Kindergarten

I think that I'd be the last one to tell you that I would like to teach kindergarten, but after yesterday, needless to say, teaching kindergarten is not that bad. Seriously, who would have thunk it?!

Yesterday and today was type of cementing for me. That regardless of what grade I teach, I still love to do it. Regardless of how obnoxious or rowdy some of the kids can get I really love to do it. After yesterday and today, I thank God for equipping me in this way that I can teach any grade and still love doing it. Not many people can say this, thus, I thank my God for this awesome blessing!

Constant

While talking with a close friend on the weekend who is going through a bit of a rough patch - not sure what future holds and such. I reminded my friend that even though everything is changing around us, God is always our constant - He never changes.

Tonight at PM, I was reminded again through Scripture in Revelation 4:8:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was, and is, and is to come."

Some much is changing all around me - some changes taking place over the course of a long period of time, others quickly and without warning. But I am at peace knowing that my God is sovereign and in control and that will never change.

Busy

A lot is happening - but everything is under the control and dominion of God. So, that means everything is going to be just right!

Life

I find it crazy and overwhelming at times how life can change in an instance, and really I have no control. But I do have the peace that my God is in control.

After riding the high of God's blessing in October, as per my previous posts, finding out some news in the past couple of days has brought things back to reality.

My heart aches and tears flow for my brothers and sisters as they go through some of the hardest times of their lives. But I also pray that our Father sustains, strengthens, and lifts them up even if it seems like they are in a dark valley at the moment. My thoughts, love, and prayers are with them all.

Checklist

3 of 4

- SIN card [check]

- Void cheque [check]

- Criminal Records Check [check]

- Medical Exam

Each time something happens that leads me closer to signing my paperwork, I just give praise by to GOD! He is soooooooooooooooo awesome and it delights me that He has chosen me to be a part of his family.

Throughout this process, all praise, honour, and glory must go back to our Father.

God is SOVEREIGN & AWESOME

The past 7 days has definitely been a testament to God's sovereignty, mercy, and His perfect plan.

As I keep saying to fellow brothers and sisters, nothing I could have done to have all these wonderful things happen to me, seriously NOTHING!!! But God had an awesome plan, he scripted for all these things to happen and to fall into place at the right time.

After my roller coaster of a month in September, God redeemed me and renewed me 100 times over! Our God is good.

Just to share a quote from a friend I was talking to recently about the recent turn of events:

I seriously thought you would keel over with joy, really

like God slayed you over the week

I thought that was really funny - but it is true on many senses. I am on such a high right now, but I pray that God continues to sustain this joy for a long time, for me to remember a few months down the road how His providence was so perfect when things seem to be down again. This past week is such a testimony to His perfect timing and His perfect will for my life.

Romans 8:28 has been coming to my mind this past week (emphasis added):

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God always does things for our own good. This past year and a half was for my own good, to be pruned and stretched in ways that I never though imaginable. And the past seven years has definitely been a journey of ups and downs, but we both love God and he continues to work for our own good.

May all glory, honour, and praise be given back to our Lord!

Phone Calls

Last night, I made the last phone I needed to after an awesome weekend. I knew that I had to share the news with these brothers and sisters who have been there for me, supporting and praying for me for a long while - some over ten years!

I find that phone calls have lost their value and appreciation with the advent of technology. Seriously, teens these days don't seem to know how to have face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversations anymore, it's all through email, instant messages, text messages, wall posts, twitter and probably some more that I don't even know about!

But breaking awesome news is just not the same in electronic form. Last night it seriously took me over half an hour to get the drivers installed, the hardware set up, and the software up and running, but it was totally worth it for Em! We talked for almost half an hour, I've timed it, it seriously takes that long to tell the entire story in detail - like on Sunday when I told J, it took almost the entire car ride to church! The fact that you can hear the other person's emotions, happiness, shock, excitement has been lost with technology.

I loved that I was able to share the news with phone calls to dear friends.

[edit] : sharing the news with someone who is at the library is quite fun ;)

Timing II

Okay, seriously, God's timing is truly the best and most perfect.

After this weekend, I pray that I continue to trust in His sovereign plan and absolute perfect timing as He has magnificently revealed himself to me this weekend. No one, on heaven or earth, except our loving Father could have scripted a better weekend.

All I can do is offer praise and glory back to Him.

Timing

... is so perfect when designed by God.

It has been a year and a half of patience, trying at times, dark at others, yet, there was and always is a light at the end with God on my side.

It is still going to be a test of patience in the next few weeks, but with God anything and everything is possible!

Prayer is even more key now. Keep praying for me!

Thanks to all for your love and prayers. I love you all!

Knowledge

Sigh. How much do I actually know???

Love

In response to my last post, God showed me again how truly blessed I am. How I get strong-armed by a sister into her car just to make sure that everything is going alright - a bit upset at me that I didn't share to her sooner. But that is understandable, and I totally appreciate our conversations. There are only certain people that I can fully open myself up to - it's just in my character and personality, and this is one dear sister who has seen me through highs and lows for the past 10+ years (isn't that scary!? hahaha)

And then today, I get a really nice message on GChat that cheered me up. Some of you know me so well! =)

Roller Coaster

As I sit hear in the silence of P&J's living room only to hear the ticking of the clock and my fingers dancing across my keyboard, I finally have time to put into words my feelings and thoughts of this past month.

As I look back upon this past month, I see the low, low, valley that I was in. How incredibly dark it was - to the point that I do not feel that I actually celebrated my own birthday. Yes, I was there in the flesh, but really, my mind was elsewhere. It wasn't until I verbalized it three times and I heard what was coming from my mouth, so many of the thoughts I had had in the past month did I realize how low it had been for me.

A mere few weeks before I was being bombarded by my parents of thoughts of the future to my breaking point. This part of my life seemed to slowly get better as I know my burdens were being carried by my fellow brothers and sister including many of you who faithfully read my entries. This is still a definite prayer request as I am still without a job, but I pray that I am able to do what God has set out for me, not to settle for anything less of that.

As September continued to unfold and I knew that my birthday was approaching, I do not think that I was "upset" that I was turning 25, it is a fact of life - we all get older, and in fact, it should be seen as a blessing from God that he has graciously blessed us with another year of existence. I do truly thank God for my friends, some who made the effort to drive out from Toronto, and my dear friends who know me so well to get me the "Friends" box set, and for a dear brother and sister who took time to organize my special night, and a guy who loves and knew that he needed to make it extra special this year - not because of the age I was turning but because of a number of other things.

I still don't fully know how to put into words my feelings and thoughts of how the rest of that weekend unfolded. And I know it was not done purposely, but needless to say, it shows how human I still am and how I need God to clothe me in His perfect love. How some things that are seen as frivolous to some, can still be so hurtful, which only God can take this hurt away. But this is all I'm going to say about that. It is in God's hands now, and may His will be done.

As the following week came to an end, the roller coaster continued. I was confronted again with the hurt and sadness I felt when my paternal grandmother passed away 12 years ago. I still can't believe it at times when I realize how much time has gone by since she has left us to be with God up in heaven, but times such as the one I experienced last week makes it seem like only yesterday when I saw her for the last time - hooked up to all those machines, her life support - and it brings those exact feelings back. My heart breaks and my eyes begin to tear. She was the one who raised me since I was born. She loved me, but more importantly, I know that she prayed for my salvation and she is an example of a Godly woman that I hope to be one day. It breaks my heart sometimes when I see the way people treat their grandparents - they just don't know how great they have it. My last living grandparent passed away a few years ago while I was away at university, not that she did not have significance in my life, but my por-por had and will always have a special place in my heart.

But things finally started looking up as September was drawing to a close. Getting word of our friends' engagement last weekend and other friends' engagement yesterday saved September from being a total disaster. Hearing about their new beginnings encourages me to start afresh and let the past be in the past and to look ahead.

I wonder what October has to bring...

Thoughts

Lots of things going through my head the past week... I need time to sort them out.

On the Eve...

... of a very important milestone.

Looking back, I reflect on what I have accomplished, in terms of the standards of man.

However, those do not compare or even have worth to what I have tried to accomplish for Jesus. Have I really done that much? I praise Him for getting me through, thank Him for being so gracious and merciful, and for being there even when I did not acknowledge Him.

My prayer for what is to come, is that I may draw even closer to God, to know and understand his Word evermore, and that I may rely on Him even more through prayer.

From Where It All Began...

On Saturday, we had an opportunity to share about our memories and important moments we had in our past with Zoe. While I was thinking about it, I was reminded of how much of an impact Zoe had had on me throughout these last few years.

Zoe was there when I was just rediscovering my faith and I actually felt like I belonged for the first time in my life.

I learned what servant leadership was - through the way our leader lived his life. You could count on him being there every Friday night, rain, snow, or fog.

There was support from home during CCF noms and elections - oh what a feeling!

Again, I felt their love and support during a difficult patch during the year at CCF - I could pour my heart out and someone was listening, as my tears flowed someone had tissues to give me, and their prayers were priceless.

They supported me when it looked like I would be leaving them again, and they celebrated with me when I found out I'd be staying at home to study some more!

There was always a home to come back to.

Anxious and excited to see where God leads us to next. I'll always have my memories of Zoe, but we must also look forward as looking back reminds us of how God shaped us into the present and how we can use it for Him in the future.

Construction

So, as the old Canadian joke goes, "There are really just two seasons in Canada: winter and construction."

With the way this past "summer" shaped up, it's no longer a joke, but a reality!

For the most part these days, I can not get from point A to point B without encountering some form of construction. This is compounded by the fact that the two most accessed roads for me to go north are BOTH under construction at the same time. Who does that?! And now 2/3 more accessible routes to head west in Mississauga are now under construction or are being primed for it. Like seriously?!

*sigh*

Summer

Where has it gone?

It seems to have left as quickly as it came - in terms of temperature and time!

It's so cool outside today. I don't like. =(

And people are slowly making plans to move back to school. Or they are packing up and leaving to far off places.

It's a time of farewells, but also a season of new beginnings. As the school year is about to start, I am wondering what God has in store for me next. I pray that my will conforms to His will for the next year, and not the other way around. The past four months have been transforming and refining, as always, but many changes are just around the corner. What does God have in store next?

Tears

... of joy!

And truly feeling the love of other brothers and sisters.

How blessed am I to have people that care for me so much. I was greeted with two very touching emails tonight after my meeting tonight with PJ. The emails warmed my heart and my eyes started to well again - but this time out of just the love that I felt from reading the words off the screen and listening to the beautiful voice from my speakers.

The TRUTH that they spoke to me through Scripture and song was undeniable. God is in control and may I surrender everything to Him, because He is in charge of my life and everything that I am going through right now is all for Him.

Bleeding Edge

For those that were at BR last night - Richard wasn't making stuff up. I had to look it up to see what nonesense he was talking about. And it's an actual term that I read about here.

I love how 4 of us those just try to play it off as leading edge until I actually asked him. Do we really give Richard that much credit in terms of his linguistic abilities. =p Just kidding!

What Else Can We Do?

... but pray.

Last night was tough. It was a culmination of 2 days of badgering from my parents about jobs. And it just came to a boil during the study on 1 Peter on persecution and then with a simple question from PSB and the anxieties were too much and the tears started to well. I tried to compose myself but to no avail. We ended up outside of the room and I told him my story and Felix was kind enough to grab some tissues for me. And then we headed to his office to pray. And it was so comforting. The power of prayer is amazing and may I not forget that as I continue to travel through what seems like a valley right now. May I praise Him when I finally reach the mountaintop and understand why He needed me to endure.

After they left, I was still trying to compose myself in PSB's office and my dear sister Jessy came in to comfort me some more. I am truly grateful for this relationship. To be honest, I had debated on coming to PM that night because of how I was feeling - but our bi-weekly meeting got me to my car and on the road to church. What divine intervention. She knows my struggles of this past year and it was even more comforting to have her pray for me.

The calm I felt after praying was something that only God could provide. There is still a long road ahead, but I will endureth for Him and Him alone.