Kindergarten

I think that I'd be the last one to tell you that I would like to teach kindergarten, but after yesterday, needless to say, teaching kindergarten is not that bad. Seriously, who would have thunk it?!

Yesterday and today was type of cementing for me. That regardless of what grade I teach, I still love to do it. Regardless of how obnoxious or rowdy some of the kids can get I really love to do it. After yesterday and today, I thank God for equipping me in this way that I can teach any grade and still love doing it. Not many people can say this, thus, I thank my God for this awesome blessing!

Constant

While talking with a close friend on the weekend who is going through a bit of a rough patch - not sure what future holds and such. I reminded my friend that even though everything is changing around us, God is always our constant - He never changes.

Tonight at PM, I was reminded again through Scripture in Revelation 4:8:

"Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was, and is, and is to come."

Some much is changing all around me - some changes taking place over the course of a long period of time, others quickly and without warning. But I am at peace knowing that my God is sovereign and in control and that will never change.

Busy

A lot is happening - but everything is under the control and dominion of God. So, that means everything is going to be just right!

Life

I find it crazy and overwhelming at times how life can change in an instance, and really I have no control. But I do have the peace that my God is in control.

After riding the high of God's blessing in October, as per my previous posts, finding out some news in the past couple of days has brought things back to reality.

My heart aches and tears flow for my brothers and sisters as they go through some of the hardest times of their lives. But I also pray that our Father sustains, strengthens, and lifts them up even if it seems like they are in a dark valley at the moment. My thoughts, love, and prayers are with them all.

Checklist

3 of 4

- SIN card [check]

- Void cheque [check]

- Criminal Records Check [check]

- Medical Exam

Each time something happens that leads me closer to signing my paperwork, I just give praise by to GOD! He is soooooooooooooooo awesome and it delights me that He has chosen me to be a part of his family.

Throughout this process, all praise, honour, and glory must go back to our Father.

God is SOVEREIGN & AWESOME

The past 7 days has definitely been a testament to God's sovereignty, mercy, and His perfect plan.

As I keep saying to fellow brothers and sisters, nothing I could have done to have all these wonderful things happen to me, seriously NOTHING!!! But God had an awesome plan, he scripted for all these things to happen and to fall into place at the right time.

After my roller coaster of a month in September, God redeemed me and renewed me 100 times over! Our God is good.

Just to share a quote from a friend I was talking to recently about the recent turn of events:

I seriously thought you would keel over with joy, really

like God slayed you over the week

I thought that was really funny - but it is true on many senses. I am on such a high right now, but I pray that God continues to sustain this joy for a long time, for me to remember a few months down the road how His providence was so perfect when things seem to be down again. This past week is such a testimony to His perfect timing and His perfect will for my life.

Romans 8:28 has been coming to my mind this past week (emphasis added):

And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

God always does things for our own good. This past year and a half was for my own good, to be pruned and stretched in ways that I never though imaginable. And the past seven years has definitely been a journey of ups and downs, but we both love God and he continues to work for our own good.

May all glory, honour, and praise be given back to our Lord!

Phone Calls

Last night, I made the last phone I needed to after an awesome weekend. I knew that I had to share the news with these brothers and sisters who have been there for me, supporting and praying for me for a long while - some over ten years!

I find that phone calls have lost their value and appreciation with the advent of technology. Seriously, teens these days don't seem to know how to have face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversations anymore, it's all through email, instant messages, text messages, wall posts, twitter and probably some more that I don't even know about!

But breaking awesome news is just not the same in electronic form. Last night it seriously took me over half an hour to get the drivers installed, the hardware set up, and the software up and running, but it was totally worth it for Em! We talked for almost half an hour, I've timed it, it seriously takes that long to tell the entire story in detail - like on Sunday when I told J, it took almost the entire car ride to church! The fact that you can hear the other person's emotions, happiness, shock, excitement has been lost with technology.

I loved that I was able to share the news with phone calls to dear friends.

[edit] : sharing the news with someone who is at the library is quite fun ;)

Timing II

Okay, seriously, God's timing is truly the best and most perfect.

After this weekend, I pray that I continue to trust in His sovereign plan and absolute perfect timing as He has magnificently revealed himself to me this weekend. No one, on heaven or earth, except our loving Father could have scripted a better weekend.

All I can do is offer praise and glory back to Him.

Timing

... is so perfect when designed by God.

It has been a year and a half of patience, trying at times, dark at others, yet, there was and always is a light at the end with God on my side.

It is still going to be a test of patience in the next few weeks, but with God anything and everything is possible!

Prayer is even more key now. Keep praying for me!

Thanks to all for your love and prayers. I love you all!

Knowledge

Sigh. How much do I actually know???

Love

In response to my last post, God showed me again how truly blessed I am. How I get strong-armed by a sister into her car just to make sure that everything is going alright - a bit upset at me that I didn't share to her sooner. But that is understandable, and I totally appreciate our conversations. There are only certain people that I can fully open myself up to - it's just in my character and personality, and this is one dear sister who has seen me through highs and lows for the past 10+ years (isn't that scary!? hahaha)

And then today, I get a really nice message on GChat that cheered me up. Some of you know me so well! =)

Roller Coaster

As I sit hear in the silence of P&J's living room only to hear the ticking of the clock and my fingers dancing across my keyboard, I finally have time to put into words my feelings and thoughts of this past month.

As I look back upon this past month, I see the low, low, valley that I was in. How incredibly dark it was - to the point that I do not feel that I actually celebrated my own birthday. Yes, I was there in the flesh, but really, my mind was elsewhere. It wasn't until I verbalized it three times and I heard what was coming from my mouth, so many of the thoughts I had had in the past month did I realize how low it had been for me.

A mere few weeks before I was being bombarded by my parents of thoughts of the future to my breaking point. This part of my life seemed to slowly get better as I know my burdens were being carried by my fellow brothers and sister including many of you who faithfully read my entries. This is still a definite prayer request as I am still without a job, but I pray that I am able to do what God has set out for me, not to settle for anything less of that.

As September continued to unfold and I knew that my birthday was approaching, I do not think that I was "upset" that I was turning 25, it is a fact of life - we all get older, and in fact, it should be seen as a blessing from God that he has graciously blessed us with another year of existence. I do truly thank God for my friends, some who made the effort to drive out from Toronto, and my dear friends who know me so well to get me the "Friends" box set, and for a dear brother and sister who took time to organize my special night, and a guy who loves and knew that he needed to make it extra special this year - not because of the age I was turning but because of a number of other things.

I still don't fully know how to put into words my feelings and thoughts of how the rest of that weekend unfolded. And I know it was not done purposely, but needless to say, it shows how human I still am and how I need God to clothe me in His perfect love. How some things that are seen as frivolous to some, can still be so hurtful, which only God can take this hurt away. But this is all I'm going to say about that. It is in God's hands now, and may His will be done.

As the following week came to an end, the roller coaster continued. I was confronted again with the hurt and sadness I felt when my paternal grandmother passed away 12 years ago. I still can't believe it at times when I realize how much time has gone by since she has left us to be with God up in heaven, but times such as the one I experienced last week makes it seem like only yesterday when I saw her for the last time - hooked up to all those machines, her life support - and it brings those exact feelings back. My heart breaks and my eyes begin to tear. She was the one who raised me since I was born. She loved me, but more importantly, I know that she prayed for my salvation and she is an example of a Godly woman that I hope to be one day. It breaks my heart sometimes when I see the way people treat their grandparents - they just don't know how great they have it. My last living grandparent passed away a few years ago while I was away at university, not that she did not have significance in my life, but my por-por had and will always have a special place in my heart.

But things finally started looking up as September was drawing to a close. Getting word of our friends' engagement last weekend and other friends' engagement yesterday saved September from being a total disaster. Hearing about their new beginnings encourages me to start afresh and let the past be in the past and to look ahead.

I wonder what October has to bring...

Thoughts

Lots of things going through my head the past week... I need time to sort them out.

On the Eve...

... of a very important milestone.

Looking back, I reflect on what I have accomplished, in terms of the standards of man.

However, those do not compare or even have worth to what I have tried to accomplish for Jesus. Have I really done that much? I praise Him for getting me through, thank Him for being so gracious and merciful, and for being there even when I did not acknowledge Him.

My prayer for what is to come, is that I may draw even closer to God, to know and understand his Word evermore, and that I may rely on Him even more through prayer.

From Where It All Began...

On Saturday, we had an opportunity to share about our memories and important moments we had in our past with Zoe. While I was thinking about it, I was reminded of how much of an impact Zoe had had on me throughout these last few years.

Zoe was there when I was just rediscovering my faith and I actually felt like I belonged for the first time in my life.

I learned what servant leadership was - through the way our leader lived his life. You could count on him being there every Friday night, rain, snow, or fog.

There was support from home during CCF noms and elections - oh what a feeling!

Again, I felt their love and support during a difficult patch during the year at CCF - I could pour my heart out and someone was listening, as my tears flowed someone had tissues to give me, and their prayers were priceless.

They supported me when it looked like I would be leaving them again, and they celebrated with me when I found out I'd be staying at home to study some more!

There was always a home to come back to.

Anxious and excited to see where God leads us to next. I'll always have my memories of Zoe, but we must also look forward as looking back reminds us of how God shaped us into the present and how we can use it for Him in the future.

Construction

So, as the old Canadian joke goes, "There are really just two seasons in Canada: winter and construction."

With the way this past "summer" shaped up, it's no longer a joke, but a reality!

For the most part these days, I can not get from point A to point B without encountering some form of construction. This is compounded by the fact that the two most accessed roads for me to go north are BOTH under construction at the same time. Who does that?! And now 2/3 more accessible routes to head west in Mississauga are now under construction or are being primed for it. Like seriously?!

*sigh*

Summer

Where has it gone?

It seems to have left as quickly as it came - in terms of temperature and time!

It's so cool outside today. I don't like. =(

And people are slowly making plans to move back to school. Or they are packing up and leaving to far off places.

It's a time of farewells, but also a season of new beginnings. As the school year is about to start, I am wondering what God has in store for me next. I pray that my will conforms to His will for the next year, and not the other way around. The past four months have been transforming and refining, as always, but many changes are just around the corner. What does God have in store next?

Tears

... of joy!

And truly feeling the love of other brothers and sisters.

How blessed am I to have people that care for me so much. I was greeted with two very touching emails tonight after my meeting tonight with PJ. The emails warmed my heart and my eyes started to well again - but this time out of just the love that I felt from reading the words off the screen and listening to the beautiful voice from my speakers.

The TRUTH that they spoke to me through Scripture and song was undeniable. God is in control and may I surrender everything to Him, because He is in charge of my life and everything that I am going through right now is all for Him.

Bleeding Edge

For those that were at BR last night - Richard wasn't making stuff up. I had to look it up to see what nonesense he was talking about. And it's an actual term that I read about here.

I love how 4 of us those just try to play it off as leading edge until I actually asked him. Do we really give Richard that much credit in terms of his linguistic abilities. =p Just kidding!

What Else Can We Do?

... but pray.

Last night was tough. It was a culmination of 2 days of badgering from my parents about jobs. And it just came to a boil during the study on 1 Peter on persecution and then with a simple question from PSB and the anxieties were too much and the tears started to well. I tried to compose myself but to no avail. We ended up outside of the room and I told him my story and Felix was kind enough to grab some tissues for me. And then we headed to his office to pray. And it was so comforting. The power of prayer is amazing and may I not forget that as I continue to travel through what seems like a valley right now. May I praise Him when I finally reach the mountaintop and understand why He needed me to endure.

After they left, I was still trying to compose myself in PSB's office and my dear sister Jessy came in to comfort me some more. I am truly grateful for this relationship. To be honest, I had debated on coming to PM that night because of how I was feeling - but our bi-weekly meeting got me to my car and on the road to church. What divine intervention. She knows my struggles of this past year and it was even more comforting to have her pray for me.

The calm I felt after praying was something that only God could provide. There is still a long road ahead, but I will endureth for Him and Him alone.

Heartwarming

As a counselor, you don't know how much of a difference you make in the lives of the kids unless they really express it.

Yesterday, while talking to some of my girls on Gchat about the watergun fight tonight, showed me a bit of how they feel. It warms my heart and makes me fear for tonight too! =p

G1: just wait until the water gun fite.

me: ahahaha... =p i'm ready ;)

G2: can you get wet, vickster?

me: are you?!

G1: yup

G2: I'm tottaly ready for you :p

G1: can you get wett?

G2: can you? o__o get... wet?

G2: yes! you deserve to be soaked

me: whaaaaaaat?!

G1: haha

me: why? hahaha

G2: because you're awesomee

We'll see how wet I actually get tonight ;p

Trust

I love love love meeting with Jessy. Even though what we talk about may not always be the cheeriest things, talking and praying with her is always great! Tonight was especially great after a very convicting PM.

May we hold on to the two pillars discussed today during PM.

1. We are able to resist sin by turning our minds to things that are pure. May we not allow sin to even take root because we have turned our minds on things that are pure.

2. We can refuse to sin by taking an eternal perspective. The momentary gratifications that Satan provides is nothing compared to what God provides in eternity!

I needed to hear these things. This lesson reinforced what I was reading recently about a family who are Christians and home-school their kids, the second point not really playing a part in this instance. But, the eldest son was talking about how as children, their parents would acknowledge there would be desires, but if you turn your mind onto pure things and put them up to God immediately through prayer, it is manageable.

It is needed to be emphasized that impure thoughts are not limited to sexual sins, but as we talked about earlier tonight, anything that is sinful - lust, greed, selfishness - is impure and thus, we need to turn our minds on to things that are pure, and to offer these impure desires up to God.

Secondly, I need to ask myself today, if I knew Jesus was coming back next year, how differently would I live my life? Of course, I would live differently. However, so much easier said than done. However, I want to live with that question at the forefront of my mind, having an eternal perspective for my life.

During prayer time today with Jessy, God really just spoke to me regarding this whole job situation. He sprung Proverbs 3:5-6 into my head:

Trust in the LORD with all you heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I know that God has a plan for me. I just need to fully trust him. My path right now is a crazy mess, because of my inability to fully trust. Where O God do you want to lead me?

Back!

As many have said to me this past weekend - I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth - but truly then is when I know I am loved and have true friends who look for you, ask about you, when they have not seen you of late.

The break from everything was good for me. It offered me fresh perspective and re-energized me for whatever God has in store. A step back, to examine where I am now, where I have come from this past year, and to think about what there is to come.

Some of the struggles have come back, especially with September looming around the corner. The daily questions from my parents are the same. I want to spend time with them, but that dreaded question makes me want to retreat at the instance any talk about jobs comes up - even when it is not related to me. There is that cringe inside of me whenever anything work related comes up - even when talk about other people and their jobs because it could segue at anytime to my situation. My heart is heavy again. Oh, how human am I, possessing such little patience for God's plan to unfold. I must pray and pray and pray so more for God to take away this heaviness on my heart and the million thoughts running through my head.

Throwing myself back into ministry has been great though. A post camp reflection will come shortly. Let's just say it was wet. I know God is pushing me to do more but what, I have not grasped yet.

I can not believe that it is almost the middle of August already. The next few weeks are going to be full of changes, am I ready for it?

Break

I need a break! The past week was crazy! Spending 6+ hours with 42 Jr. High kids - more often than not being stuck with the rowdy bunch. =p But so so so worth it! And now having to plan for the WWJD camp for this coming weekend! Prayers needed!

Whirlwind

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind, full of weddings, rehearsals, meetings, trainings, celebrations, fellowship, games, and to top it off, the last day of school!

Two weddings in the span of a week, pretty brutal, but so awesome to see how God has united these two couples. Being involved in weddings is so fun, yet exhausting, but it is so rewarding and an honour to be a part of your friends' big day! The rehearsal for Erik and Ruth was quick and simple - yet the wedding party still had issues the following day =p The rehearsal dinner was yum in my tummy and the laughs that we had after were great! Man, some of the apps that the iphone has are ridiculous! And God definitely came through with the weather! Both weddings were sandwiched between days that had tons of rain, but on the day of their weddings, it was gorgeous sunshine and sometimes a little to hot for comfort - but who could really complain?! Congratulations to Ruth & Erik Meechem and Jamie & Kevin Kwok!

[sidenote: sitting during the wedding ceremony as a bridesmaid was so great! =)]

Looking back at the last two weeks, I realized how many meetings I actually attended! Mainly for ministry, but also to meet up with my old AT to talk about job stuff. Jobs are slowly being posted, but I'm being selective - I don't know if that is the best move on my part, but I do not feel like I would do well on the interviews if I got one since I do not really want to teach - further I do not think that God is calling me to apply to every job on VIP. I'm still trying to remain patient and not apply to everything I am qualified for. I know that God has a plan for me but much like a lot of people, sometimes it is hard to wait for it to unfold in His timing. Please pray that I continue to hold steadfast to Him and not be wavered by the temptations of this world.

Other meetings in the past week have been to catch up with people - Aban and Jessy to be precise. I love my relationship with these two women of Christ. Even though we have not seen each other for the longest time, we are able just to pick up where we left off the last time we spent time together - talking about everything under the sun! Family, friends, ministry, work and lots lots more! I love these two ladies to pieces and I'm truly thankful that God has placed them in my life to challenge me and inspire me.

Two jam-packed trainings on a Saturday morning was pretty intense. It was the day after the first buddy groups for WWJD fellowship and it was encouraging to go to the meeting and share my experiences of the last month being in youth ministry. From the unexpected thanks from parents, to awesome talks with my girls, to seeing the girls in their own skin, and so much more, it is great to be in those meetings where we hear these praise reports and updates on how God is working! The youth pastor has really engrained it into me how it is so important to share and experience the joys of YM together, just to get through the valleys that we are bound to face during the long haul. After the YMC meeting, I went to the Jr. High camp meeting where I was welcomed in as one of the group. I know that God placed this camp on my heart for a reason - not only are all my girls going - but when I got to the meeting, I would be working with a number of the parents of the WWJD kids. How exciting (and frightful) is this?! There is a reason for everything that happens. It'll be an interesting week indeed.

The last day of school was almost a week ago now. And what a great day it was. I received a card from the kids and a great present (Lindt truffles - my favourite!) from the teacher. It was sad to see them all go and to see the kid that I have been helping go off as well - I can only pray that he gets the support he needs at home and during the next school year.

God has blessed me abundantly the last two weeks, and may I remember this every day, especially in hours of wanting, stupidity, and loathing - how can I ask for more when God has done so much for me. I can only imagine what God has planned for the rest of the summer.

Some prayer requests:

- WWJD camp (I'm organizing, yet I do not have much done yet!)

- that I remember to pray for all the WWJD kids

- Jr. High VBS camp

- first youth service

- consistent daily QT and God time

- Kev is starting work in Aug - only God knows what is in store for us after that!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Today during play day I was partnered up to follow around a kid in my class. He is such a sweet boy, but cognitively is functioning really low. But today, after a small mishap during one of the actvities he says: "My arm is out of commission."

That made my day. *heart*

Young at Heart

This post is a little late, considering it is Thursday, but stuff has come up but I really want to share my experiences from the past weekend!

It is so crazy to see where I have come to where I am now; how God is sovereign and his plan is so much better than our plans; how this burden He placed in my heart over 8 months ago has become my passion. It is truly amazing to see my God work!

Saturday evening was the Hillsong United concert. I'll admit, I am not their hugest fan, but I went - not because of obligation as a counselor - but seeing it as an opportunity to serve these kids, to learn more about them, to use it as an opportunity to gain their trust and friendship. Even though I did not get there until 5pm, and everyone was already in the Molson Amplitheatre - their energy throughout the night totally kept me going. I was exhausted from a full day of activities - Zoe, teaching, GO-training - and I had not slept well the night before because the dogs had kept me up. But when Hillsong United came on stage and I saw my kids jumping up and down and praising the Lord, it gave me energy and I was even jumping up and down! It was truly awesome.

[sidebar: there was an unfortunate incident that happened at Ontario Place, but I think as counselors we really learned something about ourselves and about being Jesus to the kids - a negative definitely got turned into a positive after talking with some of the other counselors who went]

Sunday was the fallout of this incident. You know you are deep in the ministry when you have to start speaking to the parents reassuring them of our conduct and that we are taking care of their child. I couldn't totally concentrate on the Sunday School lesson, as a result, but I think I may have psyched myself out about the meeting, or by the grace of God we got through it and everyone was happy, or at least understanding of the situation at the end.

That night, I also had the opportunity to minister to three of my girls at the movie theatres. Even in a short amount of time, I was able to learn so much about them - they opened up so much and I was so excited and happy about that, moreso than the actual movie. Yes, I went to go see the movie with them, but what I got out of it was probably so much more than that. I came home so excited and pumped for youth ministry and I can not wait to see what God does next!

Worthy is the Lamb

My new song of the moment!  Zoe's praise and prayer was so convicting of my heart.  Even though things are great with God at the moment, I have joy and peace with where I am at and where I am heading, God is speaking to me through prayers and Scripture, I felt that God revealed to me that he still longs for so much more out of me.  To pray more, to read the Bible more, to spend more time with him.

I truly felt this when the song, "Worthy is the Lamb" was sung.  It brought me to my knees, tears streaming down my face, humbling me to realize how unworthy I am of his love for me.  I felt so dirty, sinful, shameful, to even think that I should be content with where I am at.  I still fall so incredibly far from his glory.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, that God felt that I was worthy to be saved and redeemed by the blood of the perfect lamb - an atoning sacrifice for my sin.  Even when I feel that everything is going incredibly great, God breaks me again to see the ugliness of my life contrasted with Jesus.  But I am glad that he does, he knows that I can handle it, and it makes me yearn for him so much more!

Thank you for the cross, Lord.

Thank you for the price you paid.

Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came

And gave Amazing Grace.

Thank you for this love, Lord.

Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.

Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know...

Your forgiveness and embrace.

Worthy is the Lamb

seated on the throne.

We crown You now with many crowns

You reign victorious!

High and lifted up

Jesus, Son of God

The darling of Heaven, crucified...

Worthy is the Lamb.

I think that I was really feeling the shame I had as a sinner, but as I continued to reflect about it throughout the day, I realized that I have to get past the fact that I am a sinner, but to claim victory in what Christ has done for me as well.  He doesn't want me to feel the shame and guilt of sin, but to experience the joys and blessings he pours out on to me every day.  As the day wore on, when God broke me that morning, I knew I was restored by the blood of Jesus.  All I could do was praise him and know that I am worthy in God's eyes.

Anxious

You know your God is sovereign and ruler of all things when he points out exactly what I need to hear.

Doing my devotions on Thursday night, this is the passage that I read:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. ~ Philippians 4:6-7

And this is exactly what I wrote down in my journal that night: How much did I need to hear and read this?!  There are so many anxious thoughts about the job situation.  But may I allow God's plan to become my plan.  That is the only way this whole situation can work.

Power, Love & Self-Discipline

For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love, and of self-discipline.

                                                                                                                              ~ 2 Timothy 1:7

This is the verse I opened up my Bible to this morning.  My focus was not on the first part of the passage, but more so on the second half.  Some things have been on my mind since the weekend, a little troubling and burdensome, but may I live out a life being empowered by the Holy Spirit, where I claim the power, love even when it is hard to do so, and be self-disciplined in my walk.

Crazies!

I don't know whether it has been the mind-numbing days of EQAO testing, this tedious book review that I have had to do in chunks, the little tasks required for my course, the anticipation of job postings in a few days, or the fact that I have not had any contact with my hunnie for 6 days now, that my mind is making me go crazy the last couple of days.  I was seriously like cabin-fevering it yesterday.  I resorted to uploading pictures onto fb.  And now I'm at that point again tonight.  My mind is just so incredibly bored and needs some stimulation!

Quote of the Night

Disclaimer: While we were playing "Bang!"

After a General Store has been played:

"I'm going to take all these bullets away from you."

BEST GAME EVER! Hahaha!

Thankful

Today in Sunday School, Paul asked us a simple question - or what was supposed to be a simple question. Unfortunately no one person could get the entire question correct.

Then he asked another question, "What have we got to be thankful for at MCAC?" I'm not saying that tons of things jumped into my head right away, but as no one said something for a while, I had time to think. And after letting Kat test out the waters, I shared as well, just what had come into my head. But as the time went on after I shared, instead of really concentrating on the lesson, I kept thinking about this question. And this is what I have come up with, I am thankful for:

• The brethren at MCAC who have taken the time to invest in ME, little me! Yet, they have received me with open arms and have loved me, encouraged me, prayed for me, mentored me, taught me, and so so so much more! I am a changed person because of that, For this I am truly thankful
• The dedicated time of prayer we experience every Wednesday. Knowing that there are brothers and sisters who care so much enough to come out faithfully every week and pray for the church is awesome!
• Zoe. What else can I say? I love these brothers and sisters so much. We have physically grown together, cried together, laughed together, ate together, experienced spiritual growth together and having genuine fellowship with each other. They are truly family.
• The youth and all their energy, helping me to stay young at heart. I am thankful for God allowing me to be a part of their lives, to help them in their growth in this time where they are searching.
• Leaders at MCAC believing in me. Affirming my strengths and rebuking me when needed. Encouraging me when I do not feel that I can do it. Where would I be other wise?
• The entire church. It truly is not us and them, but we all are the church, we are of one body. May I try to be able to give back to the church a portion of what it has already poured out on to me!

I am sure there is much more, but those are just some of the things. Without MCAC, I really don't know where I would be today, so yes, I am thankful.

What's Next?!

So much has happened in the last month up until today that I really can't say anything BUT, MY GOD IS SO FAITHFUL!

Amen.

Listen

Am I listening?

A wise and kind friend encouraged me, in a very up front way yesterday about this aspect of my life.  Am I truly listening...

Love

You know you are loved when... =)

I have received a number of emails, thoughts and prayers in the last few days, which made me feel so much better.  You know how when you seem to be absorbed in yourself, you forget that there is a family out there, God's family, thinking of you and praying for you!  I need to remember that evermore in this crazy time.

Last night was a good night.  Kev and I did Bible Study on Philippians 3:1-14 and we got a chance to pray pray pray together.  It was a awesome time.  God spoke to me about some things that I had not noticed before in the passage.

 ¹²Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I am not perfect, yet Jesus has taken a hold of me, he has called me his own.  As it says in Hebrews, he chose to call us his family.  I also believe that Satan has implanted in my mind some footholds in my life that I have not been able to let go of from my past.  But after praying last night with Kev, I continue to pray that I have truly left it up to God now.

Continue praying for me in my journey.  I love you all!

Exhaustion

I have been physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually exhausted these last few weeks.  I think with the changes that have been going on - school work, friends coming home, YMC - and all the stuff that I had already been doing - home stuff (cleaning, dogs, cooking, etc etc), Zoe, volunteer, tutor - just kept on piling and piling on top of each other and have caused me to become uber exhausted!

Last night at PM, I don't know if it was the atmosphere of the sanctuary on a Wednesday evening or the change of pace with the sermon, but I could not really concentrate and I felt quite sleepy to be honest.  At the end of the night, I was almost falling over because I felt so tired.  Joi commented on the bags under my eyes =(  But God still spoke to me regardless of the state of my body and mind.  The focus of the sermon was on Psalm 1, specifically the first 2 verses.  The second verse spoke to me more so:

But his delight is in the law of the LORD, 
       and on his law he meditates day and night.

I need to start meditating on His Word again.  And like a wise friend keeps reminding me, I need to rest in God, truly rest.

MIA

As per Vinci's comment to my last post, I have been MIA.  I have been so utterly drowned in so much stuff to do.  I want my life back!  Looking ahead to the summer it doesn't look like it is going to let up - however, there is the anticipation and joy that my parents will be home soon!

I want to see my brothers and sisters!  It's not like I am avoiding them like the plague, just so much to do and not enough hours in the day to accomplish it.

And to make matters worse, I have been slipping in my Bible reading and prayer.  This is actually my biggest concern and I've started to pray pray pray about it.  Why am I such an idiot?

Crossroads

That is where I was a few days ago, not totally sure on the direction I should be heading.  But I know that God has been giving me tangible signs on where He wants to lead me.  I need to pray more about it because I do not think I have done enough of that.  Please pray for me.

Go Jays Go!

Two weeks into the season, the Jays are red hot!  They have never started out the year like this, not even during the '92 and '93 seasons when they won the World Series!

I wouldn't say I am jumping on the bandwagon with the Jays becuase I don't think I ever jumped off! =p  I may have just been near the back of the wagon. ;)  But I still remember those years, 15 years ago! *sigh* This definitely dates me.  (sidenote: last year working at the camp, the other teacher and I were talking about when the Jays won the World Series - and the grade 6 kids we were teaching had no idea what we were talking about - we did some quick math and realized that they were not even born when they won!  Oh, how we felt so old!)  But those days were exciting remember watching the '92 and '93 seasons and both the World Series - so many random things - Devon White's catch at the wall, Kelly Gruber's "triple play," Joe Carter - amazing! Roberto Alomar at 2B, John Olerud's helmet, Dave Winfield's power at DH.  Only 2 weeks into the season and at Cito's helm, the Jays are back! =)

I found this picture in the Mississauga News a couple of weeks ago.  Love it!  And I love how there are 3 different Jays logos through the years! I think I still like the original as it appears on the foam finger =p  Enjoy!

((c) Steve Nease, 2009)

And it will ALWAYS be the Skydome!

Oh Happy Day...

This morning I woke up and just felt so happy and content.  As I was walking the dogs, I looked up into the sky and the joy just kept on flowing.  It was such an awesome feeling!  Oh, how I want to just live every day with this feeling!

Looking back on this past year, I can see so much growth and making smarter decisions to draw closer and closer to God.  It is only by grace that I am where I am right now.  It still boggles my mind when I think about the price that was paid to wash me of my sins and my relationship with God to be reconciled.  I was so incredibly dirty and nasty, yet God choose to place all of it on His son.  For this I am humbled and truly thankful.  I pray that I can awaken each day thanking Him for the perfect life Jesus lived and the shedding of Jesus' blood on the cross.  I so do not deserve it, but God was so gracious.

Curiosity

Based on an incident that happened outside my home today, it made me think how curious we are as human beings.  In addition, language expands this curiosity even further as it adds additional information that other animals do not have.

There was an accident that occurred outside my house this evening.  By the time I had noticed the flashing lights outside, the car that had crashed head-on into the tree had been moved onto a tow truck.  The occupants of the vehicle seemed to be doing okay and the police had already finished their initial investigations.

When looking out my living room window, I wondered in my mind how in the world the driver was able to crash into the tree.  He must have been going at high rates of speed around that bend as there was no percipation and the ground was not compromised at all.  I see my neighbour across the street observing all that was going on.  I wanted to go out and ask him what he had learned from his observations, but I got lazy and decided against it.  However, I waited around to see the damage the tree had done to the car and after everyone had left, I went outside to survey the damage.  It still boggles my mind how the driver got himself into this predicament.

As this was going on, I was thinking about how curious I was about seeing the damage to the car and finding out what actually had happened.  This led me to think about how curious we are as humans.  We always want to know what is going on, about people, places, and events.  For the most part, we want to be in the know.  We do not want to be left out.  We see this obsession with the likes of modern technology, like facebook and twitter.  However, there is this danger to curiosity, our need to know, with the devestating effects of gossip could have.  The stories get skewed, information is added or omitted, events are exaggerated or emphasized; but all in all for the most part, it usually never good.  And seriously, do we really have to know?

Meanwhile

The end of March is almost upon us and so much has happened.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy.  I have met up with a bunch of people in the last few weeks, people that I do not normally see.  It has been good, just to get new perspectives and catching up.  My parents have also left for two months and now I am home alone with my brother.  It has been busier for sure and a little frustrating at times dealing with my brother, but I am glad my parents have this opportunity to travel and see the world and visit family halfway across the globe.  It might just be a long two months for me =p

Catchup

You know you have friends that love you when they buy you lunch when you don't ask them to or expect them to.  You know that you love each other when no one complains when you are walking outside in blustery winds out of our own volition.  You know that you are friends when you can share so openly even though you see each other less than once a month.

Today's lunch date with a dear, dear sister was so awesome.  Yes, we decided to walk to bubbletea, and yes, our ears and noses were cold by the time we got there, but it gave us more time to talk with one another.  And no one complained.  Our lives have gone down very similar yet different paths, however, we are able to talk to one another without abandonment.  The chatter keeps going, from family, to church, to weddings, to friends, to school, to work.  We could go on forever if time wasn't an issue ;)

Sometimes I think how different it would be if I had not made the decision to go to teachers' college, or OISE had not accepted us both last minute, AND put us in the same option!  Those chats on the way to class were priceless, the laughs and the seriousness of the conversations.  She gets me on a level that some do not, maybe it is because we are going through that same life stage, for lack of better wording?  But it's so exciting just to talk with each other and fill each other in on the eccentricities of each of our lives, because there are so many!  Love love love her!

TC

Last night I was exposed to Teens' Conference.  It was definitely fun, overwhelming, encouraging, and educating all at the same time.

I unfortunately did not have the opportunity to go to TC when I was in high school since I was not plugged into a church nor could I call myself a Christian at that time.  I always wondered about it every time it came up how it would have been like.  I got a tiny taste of it yesterday when I went for the evening session.  God is SO huge!  These kids were SO on FIRE for God!  It was awesome!

Before I went yesterday I had some discussions with a friend of mine online on the effectiveness of events such as this.  We agree that it definitely exposes non-Christians to the Gospel and it can pump kids up too.  However, what is lacking is the followup after these events.  These events pump kids up and they are on spiritual highs after being totally immersed in fellowship with other believers their age and how the Holy Spirit convicted their hearts.  Now what happens when they get back to their home churches, away from it all?  I find all too often they are left to fend for themselves, there is not enough followup, and that high can not be sustained.  There is a sudden drop and that is definitely not good.

So after last night, I came home, exhausted yet I know God was working in my mind, making me question why I had attended TC that night, what He had taught me about the kids, and how I can help to sustain this fire some of them have so longed for.  I pray that God helps me with this.

Support!

My thoughts in this post stems a bit from my last post.  Now you can really see my train of thought. =)

Isn't it crazy, that I have actually gone almost one week without physically interacting with some of my close brothers and sisters.  It is mainly due to the fact that I have had family obligations that has prevented me from meeting with them and seriously, it sucks.  Even with the sometimes long meetings or what seems to be the routine of the week.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but the lack of physical contact really does something to me spiritually.  It's so much easier for Satan to attack me.  And I have to fight it, and although I know that there are people praying for me and such, it's sometimes harder when I don't have face-to-face conversations with them.

I am really emphasizing the physical aspect because my online communications with these people can only go so far.  They are great conversations and such, don't get me wrong, but what I have learned the past few months is how awesome it is to sit down together, talk with each other, lay hands on each other in prayer, to hear our prayers rise up together, to have that community together, is so much more precious and priceless which cannot be replicated in online gchat, msn, and emails to one another.

This last week God has taught me how much I rely on the Body.  And this is how it should be!  We should know when each of us is hurting, how we can pray and care for each other, how we can celebrate the blessings God has so graciously bestowed upon us.  I love my family in Christ.

Thus, this leads me back to my previous post, how can people do it without the spiritual support of God's family that comes via the physical interaction on Sunday mornings, small group gatherings, prayer meeting, and spontaneous forms of fellowship?  Like, seriously!

I love you brothers and sisters!

Support?

In the last couple of weeks, I have had this conversation with a few brothers and sisters.  I believe that God has put this on my heart for a reason.  Making the decision to join the YMC may have opened up my eyes to this issue.  Or now I have a heightened sense of responsibility, I feel more vulnerable to Satan's attack because I have stepped out in obedience to God, yet also a greater responsibility to the youth, but also the children of my church - they will become youth one day, we have to set them up for success as I always say in the classroom, or in this case, to set them up to really understand Jesus and what the Gospel has to say!  My heart goes out for the youth at my church.  Hearing about how the Winter Camp went encourages me, yet how I executed on Friday discourages me.  I know I can do better for these kids.  Which brings me to what has been bothering me the last few weeks.

My concern, which I think may be becoming a burden (which could be a good thing!), is that there are brothers and sisters in positions of teaching who may not be the right people.  I want the best for our kids, they deserve the best!  And yes, when we are placed in these situations we are role models for these kids, you can not deny it - they look up to you, especially in youth ministry.  However, even if you are involved in children's ministry I still think that the kids look up to you, just in different ways.

When I say that these individuals may not be the "right people," I just have concerns about them, as a child of God.  Yes, I am wary at times of the training that they have received, but I am more so wary about how they are doing spiritually and whether their leaders are keeping them accountable.  Further, what support do they have behind them - especially spirtually, prayer and support from fellow brethren?

These concerns stem from my own experience in the past little while, with the YMC decision going through my mind.  I know that I could not have made this decision as easily as I did without first and foremost the prayer support I experienced with my fellow brothers and sisters.  I seriously do not know how I could have done the things I did in the past while and will be doing without their physical and prayer support.  They are, in fact, my family, they know when things are going well and when they are not, they are concerned about my spiritual wellbeing and I with theirs.  The fact that we know when there is something a little off with each other is a testament to how much we know and love each other.  Thus, I ask myself and it boggles my mind that someone can adequately serve in a ministry without attending Sunday service or to be plugged into the church through small groups/fellowship.  

Now the next question is why has God placed this on my heart and what he wants me to do.  I need to pray about this more.

Exercise

There has definitely been a lack of it coming from my end this year =p  But that could be why I've gotten sick 3 times this winter.  Alas, I think I have to climb back onto that dreaded treadmill and burn some calories and build my immune system back up!

Spring!

Monday = -20 degrees w/windchill

Friday = +16 degrees w/sunshine

Oh, how I love Canada! =)

Spring is in the air!

Teachings II

This is an amended post from last week.  Click here for the original post.

Radical Obedience.

Self-Sacrifice.

Patience.

Trust.

Discipline.

Such great things, yet so very hard.  May I rely on God evermore!

Recent verse I have been meditating on:

Humility and the fear of the LORD

bring wealth and honour and life.

                                   ~Proverbs 22:4

Parable of the Pencil

I heard this story today at an assembly.  I don't quite remember, but I think that she amended some parts of the story to make it more inclusive. *sigh*

The Pencil Maker took the pencil aside, just before putting him into the box. 

"There are 5 things you need to know," he told the pencil, "Before I send you out into the world. Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best pencil you can be."
"One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in Someone's hand."
"Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, but you'll need it to become a better pencil."
"Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make."
"Four: The most important part of you will always be what's inside."
"And Five: On every surface you are used on, you must leave your mark. No matter what the condition, you must continue to write."
The pencil understood and promised to remember, and went into the box with purpose in its heart.

Now replacing the place of the pencil with you.  Always remember them and never forget, and you will become the best person you can be. 
One: You will be able to do many great things, but only if you allow yourself to be held in God's hand. And allow other human beings to access you for the many gifts you possess.
Two: You will experience a painful sharpening from time to time, by going through various problems in life, but you'll need it to become a stronger person. 
Three: You will be able to correct any mistakes you might make. 
Four: The most important part of you will always be what's on the inside.
And Five: On every surface you walk through, you must leave your mark. No matter what the situation, you must continue to do your duties.

Allow this parable on the pencil to encourage you to know that you are a special person and only you can fulfill the purpose to which you were born to accomplish.
Never allow yourself to get discouraged and think that your life is insignificant and cannot make a change.

I really liked this story.  I actually like this one I found online even better because while the principal was reading it, I was actually thinking about how it parallels our Christian walks (I think she omitted the part about God in her explanation of point 1).  

But yes, when she was reading about point 1, I was thinking about how God holds me in the palm of His hand and how I can accomplish so much with Him in my life, by his power doing all the work!  Point 2 probably resonated more powerfully than some of the other points as I feel that I have gone through so much sharpening in the last 6 months, from family, work, and ministry.  But God has definitely made me a much stronger person for it.  It has also allowed me to rely on him evermore so!  And with God I can definitely correct any mistakes, or sins, that I have made.  It is through the daily renewal and washing only given by the blood of Jesus Christ!  Hallelujah!  Point 4 is quite the cliche, but still very true.  Too often we get sucked into the consumeristic antics of the North American society, but at the end of the day none of that matters if you are a sucky person on the inside.  God doesn't care for the outside, but really looks at our hearts.  I have to continually search my heart and ensure I am living my life for Him, and Him alone!  Point 5 spoke to me as well, with all the stuff that God has been putting me through.  It is true that whatever situation God puts me in, I have to respond in a way that is holy and pleasing to him.

I love how God speaks to me, regardless of the medium.  Love, love, love!

Teachings

Obedience.

Self-Sacrifice.

Patience.

Trust.

This is what God has been teaching me recently through sermons, Sunday school, devotions, fellowship and all that good stuff! =)

Parents

I love my parents, I really do, even if they do get on my nerves sometimes, but that is what parents do.  They are doing it because they love me, because they care, because they have invested 20+ years into me, and really they do it because they really, really love me.  Yet, I forget how much they have actually done for me in my life.

When I look back on my relationship with my parents it has definitely been a rollercoaster ride.  The early years when they were working extremely hard, dad with the restaurant and mom working crazy hours because she worked at a Chinese restaurant.  Their jobs weren't glamourous, but they did it because they loved me and my brother.  I know that this is only human nature, but sometimes I do wonder what others think of my family and the work that they do.  I am not saying that I am ashamed of my parents, of course I am not, they had to do what they had to do to support our family.  This meant sacrifices, which usually meant time in my household.  However, I look back on it now and the dividends have paid off, we own our house, we have 2 cars, we have been on a number of family vacations, and my dad has fixed up every room in the house to the best of his abilities because it is one of his hobbies.  Further, even though we are Chinese and there is a lack of physical affection, I know that my parents love each other.  They now watch Chinese dramas together and go fishing every week from the time the walleye season opens to when the bass season closes.  And after 25 years of marriage, they are also going on vacation together for two months by themselves in the coming months!

Some news I heard this past weekend really made me realize how lucky I am to have two parents who are relatively healthy (the aches and pains of getting older...) who love me and my brother so much.  My parents told me about a neighbour down the street who had just passed away, she was only 55 years old, younger than my dad.  She has two daughters who are a few years younger than me.  My parents told me that she had died from cancer.  What makes this story even more heartwrenching is that only 8 short years ago, these two girls lost their dad suddenly from a heart attack.  I can not even start to imagine the pain and sorrow they are going through.  The questions that are racing through their head.  And their thoughts on the future.  This situation makes me cherish my parents even more.  It is so sad that in order for me to realize this, something so tragic has to happen.

Even though they may annoy me at times and bug me about little things, I have to hold steadfast onto the fact that they are doing it out of love.  And for me to really demonstrate to them the love of Christ in my life, to serve them and honour them, because it would really suck if I could not spend eternity with them in heaven.

Patience

This is one lesson that God has been teaching me over and over and over again this past week.  It seems like in the past week, I have been put into situations or placed myself in situations where my patience has been tested and more often than not, I have had to draw on the power of the Holy Spirit to hold my tongue or to guide my actions, because I know that if I relied on myself the results would have been disasterous, they would not have been edifying at all, and God would not have been glorified.  But man, does it get exhausting or what?!  However, I will continue running the race for God!

More Sister Lovin'

I am truly blessed to have sisters that love me so much.  They know when to push for more information and to refrain when necessary.  When I say pray for me, I know that they are praying for me, even when I do not give details.

Tonight at prayer meeting, we were grouped off by sexes.  We have been doing the numbering off, and that has been working great as well, but I'm glad that we split off the way we did tonight.  I definitely could not have talked about some things if there were boys in my group.  God made us different for a reason! ;)  But yes, I'm glad I was able to have some time to talk with my sisters and to really pray with them.  The popcorn prayer was awesome, being able to so freely converse with God was great!  And to have the honour to pray for my sisters was humbling as well.  God has revealed so much to me and my relationship with each sister there tonight that I know he brought me there tonight for a reason.  'Tis was a great night of prayer and sisterly bonding.

Sisterly Love

Today I had the opportunity to pray with a dear sister in Christ.  It is so great to see how God is working in her life and the passions and burdens he has put on her heart.  It also reminds me of my time at CCF and my spiritual journey during those four years.  My journey was definitely tumultous at times, non-existent at times, fruitful at times, and joyful at other times.  It is too bad when we don't realize how powerful and helpful God is until we look back in retrospect, well for me at least.  Talking with her really brought back some things, it made me think about my whole time at CCF and how God used me.  It is so awesome to see how God is going to use her as well.  I am also honoured that God used me to help her through this "stressful" time in her life.  I love praying for my fellow brethren, helping them carry their burdens, and calling out to God to sustain, renew, and empower us!

However, I think after lunch today I missed an opportunity to minister to another sister.  It makes me sad and breaks my heart when I know that something is wrong, but I do not have to opportunity to address it.  I pray that she is doing alright, and like I've always said, sometimes all I can do it pray.

Decisions

Teaching is definitely one of my passions in my life.  God has definitely instilled this in me.  However, I am now at a crossroads in my very green teaching career.  At the moment I am qualified to teach grades 4-10.  It is quite a large range, and seriously, with only two placements in teacher's college and the limited number of placement options, I got placed in grade 6 and 8--not that much a difference in terms of teaching styles and students' needs.  However, I have placed myself in a situation where I have been able to expose myself to the younger kids and hopefully to high school students as well.  And now I am pondering about my next ABQ course, whether to take the Primary ABQ or the Senior ABQ.  I know I have not prayed enough about it, and I know that God will tell me something.  I am just confused right now.

Attack

In the last couple of weeks, I have felt the attacks on my faith.  It has not been persecution where I'm being stoned or my house is being burned down for what I believe in, but it is the attack where I know Satan feels is most effective on me.  It is those underhanded ambushes, the covert operations, or sneak attacks when I least expect them.  However, I know that this is when I need to be the most on guard.  I am led to 1Timothy 4:2, "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction."  I know that God is speaking to me about two specific incidents in the last few weeks, times where I know that I should have taken a greater stand, to have corrected, then rebuked when necessary, and then to encourage.  However, looking at the two incidents, I know that I will definitely need lots of patience and to be grounded in the Word to provide sound instruction.

Hotpot

Saturday evening was a fun, fun night!  Full of laughs, great and enlightening conversations, and lots of food, too much food actually!  Reminiscing on the last time we had hotpot at Spam's house was fun.  I still don't understand how we were able to clog up the sink with our bean sprouts.  And looking back, why would we buy bean sprouts in the first place?!

(Some snippets from the evening)

Family Ties

My first day volunteering at a junior school, God revealed how truly blessed I am.  I shared with Felix and Kelly that evening how truly lucky and blessed we are to have families that love us so much and cared for us for the past 20+ years!  I don't believe we truly grasp how much our family does for us until we witness what other children/people are going through or went through as children.

We joke now as adults about how frayed the featherduster was or how many broken chopsticks there were but we now understand more clearly why our parents had to discipline us.  There is love behind that discipline, they want us to grow up into individuals who understand right from wrong, to be compassionate to others, and to have integrity, doing the right thing when people are not looking. 

As a teacher, I come across many students of various ethnic, religious, and cultural backgrounds.  We are taught as teachers in teacher's college and within the various school boards that we need to be accepting of all individuals.  I may comment on this another day in regards to how I can demonstrate Jesus in my workplace, but this post is about something else, something that saddens me.

Without getting into too many specifics, I was working with a boy and he had a bit of a breakdown because that morning, his breakfast consisted of one piece of luncheon ham.  It was snacktime and he was eating parts of his lunch because that is all his parent had packed him.  The teacher made him stop or else he would not have a lunch to eat and lunchtime.  He was a little upset at this fact and it just snowballed from there.  He could not concentrate on the language work he was supposed to complete, complaining his stomach hurt and that he was hungry.  It just broke my heart, but also frustrated and angered me as well.  Afterwards, speaking with the teacher, it seems like this is not the first time.

This put some things into perspective for me.  When sharing with Felix and Kelly that night, it showed me how truly blessed we are.  We have a family that loves us, a roof over our heads, a warm bed to crawl into at night, clothes on our back, and food to eat at our disposal.  In addition, we have the luxuries of attending post-secondary education, gadgets at our fingertips, and cars to get us to places.  Too often we take this for granted.  I seriously do not remember a time when I went to school hungry when I was in grade school(of course, high school and university don't count because I was dumb and too cool for breakfst).  I am so grateful for my parents who have worked so incredibly hard their entire lives to provide the essentials, and so much more, for me.  It's just sad that I needed a wake-up call like this hard situation to realize and remember this fact.

Fellowship

Last night was definitely true fellowship with my brothers and sisters at MCAC.  I believe that he has called each and every one of us to Felix's house last night for a reason.  May it be to hear the story of a fellow sister, to break bread with each other, to pray for our dear sister, to sing and offer praises to God through our singing, or just to experience each other's company.

I am so encouraged and amazed at how God can transform each and every one of us, in such a small period of time.  But we need to remember that God's timing for everything in our lives is perfect.  He won't give us something that we cannot handle at a particular time and without preparing us.  This thought goes through my mind sometimes how there are things that are thrown my way and I do not feel adequately prepared to handle them, not wise, smart, or equipped enough.  However, as we go through these things, more often than not, God has already done the equipping and we haven't even noticed!  Our God definitely knows us inside and out, and why wouldn't he?  He is the one who made us, every fine detail of us, and he had set out a plan for each of us.

Thus, as I look at my dear sister and hearing about what God has in store for her, the known and unknown, I am excited for her, yet I know Satan is going to try and make strongholds in her life and all we can do it pray and claim onto the promises God has bestowed on her and the peace that she is feeling now!

It was an awesome, awesome night!

Quotes of the Night

S: "Who is Pierre Trudeau?"

A: (Looking incredulously at S) "Are you serious?!"

S: "We have soap for the dishwasher."

K: "Where?"

S: "You know, in the washroom or something... CasCAD right?"

K: "You could cut glass!"

A: "What is going on?!?!"

K: "What cuts glass A?"

A: "I don't know... diamonds? FIRE??"

K: "Look, the 'fun see' is not fun anymore."

Round 3

Sick once again. This is round 3 of sickness. It is different this time around. Not so much the sore throat and cough, but the stuffed and runny nose. Bah! I called it though last week, when two days in a row I show up to my students' homes and they were sick. Hopefully it won't last that long.

The Cross

Even though I had a part in planning the bible study today for Zoe, going through Hebrews and such, I do not think I fully experienced the power and significance of the cross until Felix read from the Case for Christ.  Hearing about what is involved during the flogging, what happened when Jesus was dragging the beam, then being nailed to the cross, his experience on the cross, I know that it impacted me.  It definitely made the cross even bigger for me!  The response song definitely captured my feelings, "I'm humbled by your mercy, and I'm broken inside."  Thank you, Jesus.

Team

Your friend!

My friend!

Running joke between the team as introduced to us by Kell on Tuesday.  It is quite funny and all out of fun and love.  But apparently you can't use it against someone, hahaha!  I love my family in Christ!

Blessings

This week has definitely been a week where I have experienced God's blessings.  In my conversations with people, devotionals, and just experiencing his love for me and others.

In a conversation that I had on Tuesday morning amidst the crazy snow that was falling, I came to realize how easily Satan can get into our thoughts and minds.  It boggles my mind that even when I sin, I feel/think that I am the only one going through it or struggling with it.  But in my mind I know that others are struggling through it as well but then irrationality sets in, as inputted by Satan, and I believe that I am alone and the only one.  Even though I know that others struggle with their sins, Satan makes me believe that I am alone in my sin, which causes me to isolate myself, and feel shameful.  However, rationality does eventually prevail through the power of his Holy Spirit and reading his word and I know that I am redeemed and renewed each day.  But it was still eye-opening to hear and to experience it.

A conversation the following day touched upon this again and it just reaffirmed everything that I already knew.  As humans, we seriously are dumb, no wonder God made us analogous to one of the dumbest animals on earth, sheep.

I think that God has revealed his answer to me about certain things and I am glad, however, I still need to keep praying about it--I do still have about a month! ;)  It is refreshing to experience new perspectives in terms of serving and the other things that come before and about with that.  God is definitely opening doors, it is now just a matter of which one to go through!  It's exciting and scary all at the same time!  See, this is what 2009 is going to bring!

Difficulties

After the great sermon on Sunday, it was followed by a wonderful Sunday School lesson led by my dear sister Kelly.  Even though she doesn't think she did well facilitating the discussions I took a lot out of it--maybe not in terms of the lesson per se, but what others contributed in terms of answering the questions that she posed.  I don't know what to think of some of them though!

How do we as Christians deal differently with difficulties in our lives?  I wanted to post my thoughts earlier about this, but now I know why it didn't happen until now.  Personally, I do not feel like I am going through difficulties anymore, not like 2-3 weeks ago where I was so heavily burdened.  After tonight's PM it even puts more things into perspective and how my problems seem so small.  However, I also know that God will solve all problems, big and small, mines and others.  We just really need to rely on God in these times of trouble and to claim onto his promises for our lives.

Shepherd

Yesterday's message was so good!  Some of the things that Pastor Scott spoke about really rang true, and it was crazy that he did not even get past the first line of Psalm 23!

The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

I have heard sermons before about the lifestyle of being a shepherd and how sheep are really dumb (which are analogous to us as human beings).  However, Pastor Scott put a new perspective on shepherds and shepherding.

1. As a shepherd, you are more than likely to be quite poor.  This is because as a shepherd you have saved and saved until you can purchase a flock of your own and then once you have purchased your flock, it is a lifelong commitment because the sheep depend on you for everything.  Further, there is no real rest for the shepherd as he has to tend to his flock in the blistering heat of summer and the frigid cold of winter.  The shepherd invests everything into taking care of his flock.

This is so much like Jesus where he took care of us by leaving everything he had on the cross.  I loved Pastor Scott's story about this boy and his boat:

There once was this boy who became very interested in boats.  After seeing this very nice toy ship he decided to make one of his own.  He worked so hard on it and it was finally ready to be used on the water.  He brought it down to the water and in the beginning everything was going great, the boat was sailing back and forth, but then there was a change in the wind and his boat started sailing further and further away from the boy, until he could no longer see it in the distance.  He had lost his boat.  

Then one day while he was walking down the street, something caught his eye in the toy store.  He had to look 2 or 3 times to make sure that it was true, but there it was, it was his boat!  

He quickly ran into the toy shop and told the owner, "That is my boat in the window!  I made it!  Can I have it back?"  

The store owner replied, "Of course you can... As long as you have the money to pay for it."

So the boy ran home and worked hard to get enough money to pay for the boat.  When he finally had enough, he ran to the store, pulled out all his money and coins onto the table.  The store owner counted the money and took the boat from the store window.

The boy took the boat, hugged it and said, "You are mine."

Isn't that such a great story?  This is an analogy to God's relationship with us.  We are twice his--He made us, yet we fall short of his glory because of our sin, we are sinners by nature and by choice, and become separated from him, but he buys us back through his son, Jesus Christ, and we become his once more.

2. God had to mark and name his flock.  This is where the second part of the first line comes into play.  In order to differentiate their own flock from others, shepherds would have to mark their flock with symbols and colours.  As Christians we have that mark as well.  It may not be as evident as the symbols on the sheep, but when we have Christ in our lives we are changed and it makes us different from other flocks.

In addition, when we know God, we will be content in Christ and trust that God knows the best for us.  This includes blessings and trials.  And we have to remember that sometimes God's richest blessings are trials, this is when we draw the closest to God.

Sore

I don't believe that I am that out of shape (refrain from your comments =p).  But yesterday's gym day of dodgeball and volleyball has definitely destroyed me.  I was already feeling the effects of it last night during the TC rally where I could not get comfortable sitting in any position in the pews.  My back and leg muscles just felt really tired.  Then my soreness gets worse after I come home and fall asleep.  I am actually awaken by the soreness in my legs when I rolled around in my bed.  Man, today it was pretty bad going up and down stairs, even walking and getting up after sitting down in particular positions for long periods of time. If only I could know that I had a great workout without feeling the effects of it afterwards!

Dumb

Last night I went out with Ruby and Jeff after the TC rally.  I didn't want Jeff to just go home by himself on his birthday so I suggested we go out for some food and fun, and Ruby agreed!  We went to BR and had some interesting and funny conversations!

We somehow got on to the subject of some of the dumb things we did when we were younger and in our high school days.  When I think back upon high school I definitely realize now how dumb some of thing I did were!  The one incident that sticks out in my head is piling 9 people into a Dodge Neon and actually travelling some distance, at least 10 minutes, on city roads where people could definitely see us!  That was quite dumb.  Found out some funny things about Jeff and Ruby as well, but I guess you'll have to ask them yourselves.  It's crazy how our thinking is when we are 16 years old, we are invincible and on top of the world, no one can stop us.

Pray

In this time where there is so much going on around me, with family and friends, what else can I do but pray, lifting all their burdens and anxieties into the hands of our holy Father who is there to listen when we call.  So much to pray for, yet so comforting to know that God is there to listen to us -- especially in our darkness.  I pray that the glorious light engulf all who are experiencing the darkness and for their brokenness to be put back together by the love and power of the Holy Spirit.  In a time like this, what else can we do but pray?

Change

Since last week's prayer meeting, I feel a total change in my perspective and heart.  No longer am I burdened to the point of tears nor do I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.  This is only through the redeeming power of the Holy Spirit to calm my heart and lift the weight.  In addition it is crazy how God has done a total 360 in terms of my relationship with my mentor.  Last week she was carrying my burdens, being my listening ear, caring and praying for me.  This week has been the opposite and I am glad that God is continuing to refine and mold us and strengthening our relationship together and with Him.

So much has happened this week, God has definitely been speaking, however, I do not know if I have done an extremely good job at listening.  I have been reading through a few Psalms and they have spoken to me, given me comfort, and empowering me.  I do not think that I have actually done this before, really just go through the Psalms and reflect, meditate and pray about them.

God really changed my perspective on someone this past week and I know that it will be the best for our church.  Each day the sermon from Sunday still reverberates in my mind; how God demonstrates his love for us even though we don't deserve it, I am definitely a sinner and fall so far from the glory of God, but because of God's love for us he gave his one and only son to be an atoning sacrifice for us to die the most shameful death.  In reflection and talking with others about it, far too often I do not understand or fail to remember the depth of God's love for us and the what the cross symbolizes.  And further, thinking about the question that was posed at the end of the sermon, Do I know the love of God experentially?  And if I do, do I love people like God loves them or are they contingent on others?  I need to remember, the love of Christ came to me when I least deserved it.

Participate

We are merely just participants in God's great and awesome plan.  This gave me peace along with the prayers, of course.

2009

21 days into 2009 and God has already revealed so much to me.  Talking with my mentor about this on Monday I realized this.  The latter half of 2008 had been so good to both of us, and there had been so much growth, and for the most part everything had been positive, we were enjoying the wonderful things that God was doing in our lives.  Thus, we were both excited to see what God would have in store for us this year, but man, spread it out evenly! Hahaha... This is definitely a refining process, a time where I am trying to see the light in the darkness, find joy in my bitterness, have peace in my heartbreak.  But I know that God will carry me through this and he will make me stronger as a result.

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,

for in you my soul takes refuge.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings

until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 57:1

"But I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble."

Psalm 59:16

Behind

Bah!  I feel that I am behind in so many things.  And I forget to write them down, which makes it even worse when I finally remember to do them, because I have written other things down to do already!  This week has been hectic!  I knew I should have finished my marking 4 weeks ago! >.<

The last few days have been cold, extremely cold, like -30 cold, I don't think that has put me in a good mood.  Plus, I have come to realization that I have extremely poor circulation.  Bah!  I need another vacation.

Compliments

Am I just weird or is it just the Chinese in me that whenever I am offered compliments or praise I find it very hard to take and to accept it.  I have been thinking about it for awhile, ever since some of my kids' parents thanked me for coming into their homes to help their children.  However, in these two particular cases, I feel like I am fighting a futile cause.  It's not that I do not see potential in these kids, but I think to myself sometimes, how much impact can I make in these kids with 1/2 hr, 1hr, and 1.5 hour sessions, respectively, one time a week.  I have not been able to see the fruits of my labour.  In fact, it can be quite frustrating.  Alas, that is another can of worms.

Back to my apprehension and hesistation in accepting compliments.  I do not know what it is in me, I am able to provide compliments to people, I do it for a job well done and to acknowledge that fact.  But when it comes to me, it seems so strange and I do not know how to react.  Like when my kids' parents told me, my response was quite awkward, because in my mind it was just a job, and I'm doing what I am hired to do.  In another case, I find that when offered compliments, I am just doing what I believe is right.  I think I'm just weird. =p

Exhausted

I can not believe how tired and exhausted I was last night.  With everything that is going on, so much stuff is going through my head!  I guess it took a little toll on my body.  I was praying for a little while around 8ish last night, great time of prayer.  Then I decided to pull out my Bible and other books that I have started and dig into them, but I was feeling a little tired, so I thought I would take a nap before starting them.  I didn't end up waking up until 8:30am this morning.  However, I know that He was preparing me for today.  Man, and it's only 13 days into the new year!  But with God's strength I will endure and be joyful about it!

Chat

Today's conversation went well.  I still need time for it to sink in, to reflect upon it, and to see where to go from here.   God had already told both of us lots and the situation had already rectified itself, for the most part, as a result.  But I'm glad that we still had the opportunity to talk with one another, so openly and maturely, about things that I never really thought we'd be able to.  But God has changed both of us so much.

There were times where I had the sense that I was going to start to cry, just because of the subject matter, and how it pierced my heart so much.  But I composed myself inside my head, and wiped the forming tears away.  Today reminded me that family is so incredibly important, they get us when the rest of the world thinks that we're crazy or weird, they know things about the past that we have forgotten about and we can revisit it with joy and embaressment, they understand the struggles of our past and even if we are apart for long periods of time, they are still there to listen to us, and above all they love us.

Tears

Yesterday I got an email from someone very dear to me.  It almost moved me to tears, yet at the same time while reading through her struggles, fears, and frustrations, I had this overwhelming sense of joy that I wanted to share with her right then!  This is what God has been preparing me for.  Especially in the last week, after weeks of struggling with the chains of complacency, I have come to experience incredible joy, and I just want to share it.

Please pray for me, for God to give me wisdom while I have a meet up with her.  Although I love fellowship and my church, there is something different when talking with family, there is a deeper understanding that usually cannot be attained otherwise.  We understand each other and the quirks in our family, we take the good with the bad, there is no other choice, this is family.

A Year in Review

My year in review with the use of pictures, thank goodness for digital cameras as I would not remember half of these events and fun times!

[Games from the past year - Pictionary (Old & New), Life, Poker, Bang!]

[Farewell Eleasa! & Welcoming Baby Mah!]

[I'm a teacher!]

[Engagements & Weddings!  I forsee more to come this year!]

[Zoe - Fun, Food, & Fellowship.  Looking forward to another blessed year]

[Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays!  We are getting older and wiser =p]

[Thanks for blessing me this year with your time and frienship, I love you all!]