Life

I find it crazy and overwhelming at times how life can change in an instance, and really I have no control. But I do have the peace that my God is in control.

After riding the high of God's blessing in October, as per my previous posts, finding out some news in the past couple of days has brought things back to reality.

My heart aches and tears flow for my brothers and sisters as they go through some of the hardest times of their lives. But I also pray that our Father sustains, strengthens, and lifts them up even if it seems like they are in a dark valley at the moment. My thoughts, love, and prayers are with them all.

Phone Calls

Last night, I made the last phone I needed to after an awesome weekend. I knew that I had to share the news with these brothers and sisters who have been there for me, supporting and praying for me for a long while - some over ten years!

I find that phone calls have lost their value and appreciation with the advent of technology. Seriously, teens these days don't seem to know how to have face-to-face or voice-to-voice conversations anymore, it's all through email, instant messages, text messages, wall posts, twitter and probably some more that I don't even know about!

But breaking awesome news is just not the same in electronic form. Last night it seriously took me over half an hour to get the drivers installed, the hardware set up, and the software up and running, but it was totally worth it for Em! We talked for almost half an hour, I've timed it, it seriously takes that long to tell the entire story in detail - like on Sunday when I told J, it took almost the entire car ride to church! The fact that you can hear the other person's emotions, happiness, shock, excitement has been lost with technology.

I loved that I was able to share the news with phone calls to dear friends.

[edit] : sharing the news with someone who is at the library is quite fun ;)

Love

In response to my last post, God showed me again how truly blessed I am. How I get strong-armed by a sister into her car just to make sure that everything is going alright - a bit upset at me that I didn't share to her sooner. But that is understandable, and I totally appreciate our conversations. There are only certain people that I can fully open myself up to - it's just in my character and personality, and this is one dear sister who has seen me through highs and lows for the past 10+ years (isn't that scary!? hahaha)

And then today, I get a really nice message on GChat that cheered me up. Some of you know me so well! =)

From Where It All Began...

On Saturday, we had an opportunity to share about our memories and important moments we had in our past with Zoe. While I was thinking about it, I was reminded of how much of an impact Zoe had had on me throughout these last few years.

Zoe was there when I was just rediscovering my faith and I actually felt like I belonged for the first time in my life.

I learned what servant leadership was - through the way our leader lived his life. You could count on him being there every Friday night, rain, snow, or fog.

There was support from home during CCF noms and elections - oh what a feeling!

Again, I felt their love and support during a difficult patch during the year at CCF - I could pour my heart out and someone was listening, as my tears flowed someone had tissues to give me, and their prayers were priceless.

They supported me when it looked like I would be leaving them again, and they celebrated with me when I found out I'd be staying at home to study some more!

There was always a home to come back to.

Anxious and excited to see where God leads us to next. I'll always have my memories of Zoe, but we must also look forward as looking back reminds us of how God shaped us into the present and how we can use it for Him in the future.

Tears

... of joy!

And truly feeling the love of other brothers and sisters.

How blessed am I to have people that care for me so much. I was greeted with two very touching emails tonight after my meeting tonight with PJ. The emails warmed my heart and my eyes started to well again - but this time out of just the love that I felt from reading the words off the screen and listening to the beautiful voice from my speakers.

The TRUTH that they spoke to me through Scripture and song was undeniable. God is in control and may I surrender everything to Him, because He is in charge of my life and everything that I am going through right now is all for Him.

Bleeding Edge

For those that were at BR last night - Richard wasn't making stuff up. I had to look it up to see what nonesense he was talking about. And it's an actual term that I read about here.

I love how 4 of us those just try to play it off as leading edge until I actually asked him. Do we really give Richard that much credit in terms of his linguistic abilities. =p Just kidding!

Whirlwind

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind, full of weddings, rehearsals, meetings, trainings, celebrations, fellowship, games, and to top it off, the last day of school!

Two weddings in the span of a week, pretty brutal, but so awesome to see how God has united these two couples. Being involved in weddings is so fun, yet exhausting, but it is so rewarding and an honour to be a part of your friends' big day! The rehearsal for Erik and Ruth was quick and simple - yet the wedding party still had issues the following day =p The rehearsal dinner was yum in my tummy and the laughs that we had after were great! Man, some of the apps that the iphone has are ridiculous! And God definitely came through with the weather! Both weddings were sandwiched between days that had tons of rain, but on the day of their weddings, it was gorgeous sunshine and sometimes a little to hot for comfort - but who could really complain?! Congratulations to Ruth & Erik Meechem and Jamie & Kevin Kwok!

[sidenote: sitting during the wedding ceremony as a bridesmaid was so great! =)]

Looking back at the last two weeks, I realized how many meetings I actually attended! Mainly for ministry, but also to meet up with my old AT to talk about job stuff. Jobs are slowly being posted, but I'm being selective - I don't know if that is the best move on my part, but I do not feel like I would do well on the interviews if I got one since I do not really want to teach - further I do not think that God is calling me to apply to every job on VIP. I'm still trying to remain patient and not apply to everything I am qualified for. I know that God has a plan for me but much like a lot of people, sometimes it is hard to wait for it to unfold in His timing. Please pray that I continue to hold steadfast to Him and not be wavered by the temptations of this world.

Other meetings in the past week have been to catch up with people - Aban and Jessy to be precise. I love my relationship with these two women of Christ. Even though we have not seen each other for the longest time, we are able just to pick up where we left off the last time we spent time together - talking about everything under the sun! Family, friends, ministry, work and lots lots more! I love these two ladies to pieces and I'm truly thankful that God has placed them in my life to challenge me and inspire me.

Two jam-packed trainings on a Saturday morning was pretty intense. It was the day after the first buddy groups for WWJD fellowship and it was encouraging to go to the meeting and share my experiences of the last month being in youth ministry. From the unexpected thanks from parents, to awesome talks with my girls, to seeing the girls in their own skin, and so much more, it is great to be in those meetings where we hear these praise reports and updates on how God is working! The youth pastor has really engrained it into me how it is so important to share and experience the joys of YM together, just to get through the valleys that we are bound to face during the long haul. After the YMC meeting, I went to the Jr. High camp meeting where I was welcomed in as one of the group. I know that God placed this camp on my heart for a reason - not only are all my girls going - but when I got to the meeting, I would be working with a number of the parents of the WWJD kids. How exciting (and frightful) is this?! There is a reason for everything that happens. It'll be an interesting week indeed.

The last day of school was almost a week ago now. And what a great day it was. I received a card from the kids and a great present (Lindt truffles - my favourite!) from the teacher. It was sad to see them all go and to see the kid that I have been helping go off as well - I can only pray that he gets the support he needs at home and during the next school year.

God has blessed me abundantly the last two weeks, and may I remember this every day, especially in hours of wanting, stupidity, and loathing - how can I ask for more when God has done so much for me. I can only imagine what God has planned for the rest of the summer.

Some prayer requests:

- WWJD camp (I'm organizing, yet I do not have much done yet!)

- that I remember to pray for all the WWJD kids

- Jr. High VBS camp

- first youth service

- consistent daily QT and God time

- Kev is starting work in Aug - only God knows what is in store for us after that!

Young at Heart

This post is a little late, considering it is Thursday, but stuff has come up but I really want to share my experiences from the past weekend!

It is so crazy to see where I have come to where I am now; how God is sovereign and his plan is so much better than our plans; how this burden He placed in my heart over 8 months ago has become my passion. It is truly amazing to see my God work!

Saturday evening was the Hillsong United concert. I'll admit, I am not their hugest fan, but I went - not because of obligation as a counselor - but seeing it as an opportunity to serve these kids, to learn more about them, to use it as an opportunity to gain their trust and friendship. Even though I did not get there until 5pm, and everyone was already in the Molson Amplitheatre - their energy throughout the night totally kept me going. I was exhausted from a full day of activities - Zoe, teaching, GO-training - and I had not slept well the night before because the dogs had kept me up. But when Hillsong United came on stage and I saw my kids jumping up and down and praising the Lord, it gave me energy and I was even jumping up and down! It was truly awesome.

[sidebar: there was an unfortunate incident that happened at Ontario Place, but I think as counselors we really learned something about ourselves and about being Jesus to the kids - a negative definitely got turned into a positive after talking with some of the other counselors who went]

Sunday was the fallout of this incident. You know you are deep in the ministry when you have to start speaking to the parents reassuring them of our conduct and that we are taking care of their child. I couldn't totally concentrate on the Sunday School lesson, as a result, but I think I may have psyched myself out about the meeting, or by the grace of God we got through it and everyone was happy, or at least understanding of the situation at the end.

That night, I also had the opportunity to minister to three of my girls at the movie theatres. Even in a short amount of time, I was able to learn so much about them - they opened up so much and I was so excited and happy about that, moreso than the actual movie. Yes, I went to go see the movie with them, but what I got out of it was probably so much more than that. I came home so excited and pumped for youth ministry and I can not wait to see what God does next!

Thankful

Today in Sunday School, Paul asked us a simple question - or what was supposed to be a simple question. Unfortunately no one person could get the entire question correct.

Then he asked another question, "What have we got to be thankful for at MCAC?" I'm not saying that tons of things jumped into my head right away, but as no one said something for a while, I had time to think. And after letting Kat test out the waters, I shared as well, just what had come into my head. But as the time went on after I shared, instead of really concentrating on the lesson, I kept thinking about this question. And this is what I have come up with, I am thankful for:

• The brethren at MCAC who have taken the time to invest in ME, little me! Yet, they have received me with open arms and have loved me, encouraged me, prayed for me, mentored me, taught me, and so so so much more! I am a changed person because of that, For this I am truly thankful
• The dedicated time of prayer we experience every Wednesday. Knowing that there are brothers and sisters who care so much enough to come out faithfully every week and pray for the church is awesome!
• Zoe. What else can I say? I love these brothers and sisters so much. We have physically grown together, cried together, laughed together, ate together, experienced spiritual growth together and having genuine fellowship with each other. They are truly family.
• The youth and all their energy, helping me to stay young at heart. I am thankful for God allowing me to be a part of their lives, to help them in their growth in this time where they are searching.
• Leaders at MCAC believing in me. Affirming my strengths and rebuking me when needed. Encouraging me when I do not feel that I can do it. Where would I be other wise?
• The entire church. It truly is not us and them, but we all are the church, we are of one body. May I try to be able to give back to the church a portion of what it has already poured out on to me!

I am sure there is much more, but those are just some of the things. Without MCAC, I really don't know where I would be today, so yes, I am thankful.

Love

You know you are loved when... =)

I have received a number of emails, thoughts and prayers in the last few days, which made me feel so much better.  You know how when you seem to be absorbed in yourself, you forget that there is a family out there, God's family, thinking of you and praying for you!  I need to remember that evermore in this crazy time.

Last night was a good night.  Kev and I did Bible Study on Philippians 3:1-14 and we got a chance to pray pray pray together.  It was a awesome time.  God spoke to me about some things that I had not noticed before in the passage.

 ¹²Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me his own. ¹³Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, ¹⁴I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

I am not perfect, yet Jesus has taken a hold of me, he has called me his own.  As it says in Hebrews, he chose to call us his family.  I also believe that Satan has implanted in my mind some footholds in my life that I have not been able to let go of from my past.  But after praying last night with Kev, I continue to pray that I have truly left it up to God now.

Continue praying for me in my journey.  I love you all!

Meanwhile

The end of March is almost upon us and so much has happened.  The last couple of weeks have been pretty busy.  I have met up with a bunch of people in the last few weeks, people that I do not normally see.  It has been good, just to get new perspectives and catching up.  My parents have also left for two months and now I am home alone with my brother.  It has been busier for sure and a little frustrating at times dealing with my brother, but I am glad my parents have this opportunity to travel and see the world and visit family halfway across the globe.  It might just be a long two months for me =p

Catchup

You know you have friends that love you when they buy you lunch when you don't ask them to or expect them to.  You know that you love each other when no one complains when you are walking outside in blustery winds out of our own volition.  You know that you are friends when you can share so openly even though you see each other less than once a month.

Today's lunch date with a dear, dear sister was so awesome.  Yes, we decided to walk to bubbletea, and yes, our ears and noses were cold by the time we got there, but it gave us more time to talk with one another.  And no one complained.  Our lives have gone down very similar yet different paths, however, we are able to talk to one another without abandonment.  The chatter keeps going, from family, to church, to weddings, to friends, to school, to work.  We could go on forever if time wasn't an issue ;)

Sometimes I think how different it would be if I had not made the decision to go to teachers' college, or OISE had not accepted us both last minute, AND put us in the same option!  Those chats on the way to class were priceless, the laughs and the seriousness of the conversations.  She gets me on a level that some do not, maybe it is because we are going through that same life stage, for lack of better wording?  But it's so exciting just to talk with each other and fill each other in on the eccentricities of each of our lives, because there are so many!  Love love love her!

Support!

My thoughts in this post stems a bit from my last post.  Now you can really see my train of thought. =)

Isn't it crazy, that I have actually gone almost one week without physically interacting with some of my close brothers and sisters.  It is mainly due to the fact that I have had family obligations that has prevented me from meeting with them and seriously, it sucks.  Even with the sometimes long meetings or what seems to be the routine of the week.  Don't get me wrong, I love my family, but the lack of physical contact really does something to me spiritually.  It's so much easier for Satan to attack me.  And I have to fight it, and although I know that there are people praying for me and such, it's sometimes harder when I don't have face-to-face conversations with them.

I am really emphasizing the physical aspect because my online communications with these people can only go so far.  They are great conversations and such, don't get me wrong, but what I have learned the past few months is how awesome it is to sit down together, talk with each other, lay hands on each other in prayer, to hear our prayers rise up together, to have that community together, is so much more precious and priceless which cannot be replicated in online gchat, msn, and emails to one another.

This last week God has taught me how much I rely on the Body.  And this is how it should be!  We should know when each of us is hurting, how we can pray and care for each other, how we can celebrate the blessings God has so graciously bestowed upon us.  I love my family in Christ.

Thus, this leads me back to my previous post, how can people do it without the spiritual support of God's family that comes via the physical interaction on Sunday mornings, small group gatherings, prayer meeting, and spontaneous forms of fellowship?  Like, seriously!

I love you brothers and sisters!

Support?

In the last couple of weeks, I have had this conversation with a few brothers and sisters.  I believe that God has put this on my heart for a reason.  Making the decision to join the YMC may have opened up my eyes to this issue.  Or now I have a heightened sense of responsibility, I feel more vulnerable to Satan's attack because I have stepped out in obedience to God, yet also a greater responsibility to the youth, but also the children of my church - they will become youth one day, we have to set them up for success as I always say in the classroom, or in this case, to set them up to really understand Jesus and what the Gospel has to say!  My heart goes out for the youth at my church.  Hearing about how the Winter Camp went encourages me, yet how I executed on Friday discourages me.  I know I can do better for these kids.  Which brings me to what has been bothering me the last few weeks.

My concern, which I think may be becoming a burden (which could be a good thing!), is that there are brothers and sisters in positions of teaching who may not be the right people.  I want the best for our kids, they deserve the best!  And yes, when we are placed in these situations we are role models for these kids, you can not deny it - they look up to you, especially in youth ministry.  However, even if you are involved in children's ministry I still think that the kids look up to you, just in different ways.

When I say that these individuals may not be the "right people," I just have concerns about them, as a child of God.  Yes, I am wary at times of the training that they have received, but I am more so wary about how they are doing spiritually and whether their leaders are keeping them accountable.  Further, what support do they have behind them - especially spirtually, prayer and support from fellow brethren?

These concerns stem from my own experience in the past little while, with the YMC decision going through my mind.  I know that I could not have made this decision as easily as I did without first and foremost the prayer support I experienced with my fellow brothers and sisters.  I seriously do not know how I could have done the things I did in the past while and will be doing without their physical and prayer support.  They are, in fact, my family, they know when things are going well and when they are not, they are concerned about my spiritual wellbeing and I with theirs.  The fact that we know when there is something a little off with each other is a testament to how much we know and love each other.  Thus, I ask myself and it boggles my mind that someone can adequately serve in a ministry without attending Sunday service or to be plugged into the church through small groups/fellowship.  

Now the next question is why has God placed this on my heart and what he wants me to do.  I need to pray about this more.

More Sister Lovin'

I am truly blessed to have sisters that love me so much.  They know when to push for more information and to refrain when necessary.  When I say pray for me, I know that they are praying for me, even when I do not give details.

Tonight at prayer meeting, we were grouped off by sexes.  We have been doing the numbering off, and that has been working great as well, but I'm glad that we split off the way we did tonight.  I definitely could not have talked about some things if there were boys in my group.  God made us different for a reason! ;)  But yes, I'm glad I was able to have some time to talk with my sisters and to really pray with them.  The popcorn prayer was awesome, being able to so freely converse with God was great!  And to have the honour to pray for my sisters was humbling as well.  God has revealed so much to me and my relationship with each sister there tonight that I know he brought me there tonight for a reason.  'Tis was a great night of prayer and sisterly bonding.

Sisterly Love

Today I had the opportunity to pray with a dear sister in Christ.  It is so great to see how God is working in her life and the passions and burdens he has put on her heart.  It also reminds me of my time at CCF and my spiritual journey during those four years.  My journey was definitely tumultous at times, non-existent at times, fruitful at times, and joyful at other times.  It is too bad when we don't realize how powerful and helpful God is until we look back in retrospect, well for me at least.  Talking with her really brought back some things, it made me think about my whole time at CCF and how God used me.  It is so awesome to see how God is going to use her as well.  I am also honoured that God used me to help her through this "stressful" time in her life.  I love praying for my fellow brethren, helping them carry their burdens, and calling out to God to sustain, renew, and empower us!

However, I think after lunch today I missed an opportunity to minister to another sister.  It makes me sad and breaks my heart when I know that something is wrong, but I do not have to opportunity to address it.  I pray that she is doing alright, and like I've always said, sometimes all I can do it pray.

Hotpot

Saturday evening was a fun, fun night!  Full of laughs, great and enlightening conversations, and lots of food, too much food actually!  Reminiscing on the last time we had hotpot at Spam's house was fun.  I still don't understand how we were able to clog up the sink with our bean sprouts.  And looking back, why would we buy bean sprouts in the first place?!

(Some snippets from the evening)

Fellowship

Last night was definitely true fellowship with my brothers and sisters at MCAC.  I believe that he has called each and every one of us to Felix's house last night for a reason.  May it be to hear the story of a fellow sister, to break bread with each other, to pray for our dear sister, to sing and offer praises to God through our singing, or just to experience each other's company.

I am so encouraged and amazed at how God can transform each and every one of us, in such a small period of time.  But we need to remember that God's timing for everything in our lives is perfect.  He won't give us something that we cannot handle at a particular time and without preparing us.  This thought goes through my mind sometimes how there are things that are thrown my way and I do not feel adequately prepared to handle them, not wise, smart, or equipped enough.  However, as we go through these things, more often than not, God has already done the equipping and we haven't even noticed!  Our God definitely knows us inside and out, and why wouldn't he?  He is the one who made us, every fine detail of us, and he had set out a plan for each of us.

Thus, as I look at my dear sister and hearing about what God has in store for her, the known and unknown, I am excited for her, yet I know Satan is going to try and make strongholds in her life and all we can do it pray and claim onto the promises God has bestowed on her and the peace that she is feeling now!

It was an awesome, awesome night!

Quotes of the Night

S: "Who is Pierre Trudeau?"

A: (Looking incredulously at S) "Are you serious?!"

S: "We have soap for the dishwasher."

K: "Where?"

S: "You know, in the washroom or something... CasCAD right?"

K: "You could cut glass!"

A: "What is going on?!?!"

K: "What cuts glass A?"

A: "I don't know... diamonds? FIRE??"

K: "Look, the 'fun see' is not fun anymore."

Team

Your friend!

My friend!

Running joke between the team as introduced to us by Kell on Tuesday.  It is quite funny and all out of fun and love.  But apparently you can't use it against someone, hahaha!  I love my family in Christ!