2009

21 days into 2009 and God has already revealed so much to me.  Talking with my mentor about this on Monday I realized this.  The latter half of 2008 had been so good to both of us, and there had been so much growth, and for the most part everything had been positive, we were enjoying the wonderful things that God was doing in our lives.  Thus, we were both excited to see what God would have in store for us this year, but man, spread it out evenly! Hahaha... This is definitely a refining process, a time where I am trying to see the light in the darkness, find joy in my bitterness, have peace in my heartbreak.  But I know that God will carry me through this and he will make me stronger as a result.

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,

for in you my soul takes refuge.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings

until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 57:1

"But I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble."

Psalm 59:16

Behind

Bah!  I feel that I am behind in so many things.  And I forget to write them down, which makes it even worse when I finally remember to do them, because I have written other things down to do already!  This week has been hectic!  I knew I should have finished my marking 4 weeks ago! >.<

The last few days have been cold, extremely cold, like -30 cold, I don't think that has put me in a good mood.  Plus, I have come to realization that I have extremely poor circulation.  Bah!  I need another vacation.

Compliments

Am I just weird or is it just the Chinese in me that whenever I am offered compliments or praise I find it very hard to take and to accept it.  I have been thinking about it for awhile, ever since some of my kids' parents thanked me for coming into their homes to help their children.  However, in these two particular cases, I feel like I am fighting a futile cause.  It's not that I do not see potential in these kids, but I think to myself sometimes, how much impact can I make in these kids with 1/2 hr, 1hr, and 1.5 hour sessions, respectively, one time a week.  I have not been able to see the fruits of my labour.  In fact, it can be quite frustrating.  Alas, that is another can of worms.

Back to my apprehension and hesistation in accepting compliments.  I do not know what it is in me, I am able to provide compliments to people, I do it for a job well done and to acknowledge that fact.  But when it comes to me, it seems so strange and I do not know how to react.  Like when my kids' parents told me, my response was quite awkward, because in my mind it was just a job, and I'm doing what I am hired to do.  In another case, I find that when offered compliments, I am just doing what I believe is right.  I think I'm just weird. =p

Exhausted

I can not believe how tired and exhausted I was last night.  With everything that is going on, so much stuff is going through my head!  I guess it took a little toll on my body.  I was praying for a little while around 8ish last night, great time of prayer.  Then I decided to pull out my Bible and other books that I have started and dig into them, but I was feeling a little tired, so I thought I would take a nap before starting them.  I didn't end up waking up until 8:30am this morning.  However, I know that He was preparing me for today.  Man, and it's only 13 days into the new year!  But with God's strength I will endure and be joyful about it!

Chat

Today's conversation went well.  I still need time for it to sink in, to reflect upon it, and to see where to go from here.   God had already told both of us lots and the situation had already rectified itself, for the most part, as a result.  But I'm glad that we still had the opportunity to talk with one another, so openly and maturely, about things that I never really thought we'd be able to.  But God has changed both of us so much.

There were times where I had the sense that I was going to start to cry, just because of the subject matter, and how it pierced my heart so much.  But I composed myself inside my head, and wiped the forming tears away.  Today reminded me that family is so incredibly important, they get us when the rest of the world thinks that we're crazy or weird, they know things about the past that we have forgotten about and we can revisit it with joy and embaressment, they understand the struggles of our past and even if we are apart for long periods of time, they are still there to listen to us, and above all they love us.

Tears

Yesterday I got an email from someone very dear to me.  It almost moved me to tears, yet at the same time while reading through her struggles, fears, and frustrations, I had this overwhelming sense of joy that I wanted to share with her right then!  This is what God has been preparing me for.  Especially in the last week, after weeks of struggling with the chains of complacency, I have come to experience incredible joy, and I just want to share it.

Please pray for me, for God to give me wisdom while I have a meet up with her.  Although I love fellowship and my church, there is something different when talking with family, there is a deeper understanding that usually cannot be attained otherwise.  We understand each other and the quirks in our family, we take the good with the bad, there is no other choice, this is family.

A Year in Review

My year in review with the use of pictures, thank goodness for digital cameras as I would not remember half of these events and fun times!

[Games from the past year - Pictionary (Old & New), Life, Poker, Bang!]

[Farewell Eleasa! & Welcoming Baby Mah!]

[I'm a teacher!]

[Engagements & Weddings!  I forsee more to come this year!]

[Zoe - Fun, Food, & Fellowship.  Looking forward to another blessed year]

[Birthdays, birthdays, birthdays!  We are getting older and wiser =p]

[Thanks for blessing me this year with your time and frienship, I love you all!]