Trust

I love love love meeting with Jessy. Even though what we talk about may not always be the cheeriest things, talking and praying with her is always great! Tonight was especially great after a very convicting PM.

May we hold on to the two pillars discussed today during PM.

1. We are able to resist sin by turning our minds to things that are pure. May we not allow sin to even take root because we have turned our minds on things that are pure.

2. We can refuse to sin by taking an eternal perspective. The momentary gratifications that Satan provides is nothing compared to what God provides in eternity!

I needed to hear these things. This lesson reinforced what I was reading recently about a family who are Christians and home-school their kids, the second point not really playing a part in this instance. But, the eldest son was talking about how as children, their parents would acknowledge there would be desires, but if you turn your mind onto pure things and put them up to God immediately through prayer, it is manageable.

It is needed to be emphasized that impure thoughts are not limited to sexual sins, but as we talked about earlier tonight, anything that is sinful - lust, greed, selfishness - is impure and thus, we need to turn our minds on to things that are pure, and to offer these impure desires up to God.

Secondly, I need to ask myself today, if I knew Jesus was coming back next year, how differently would I live my life? Of course, I would live differently. However, so much easier said than done. However, I want to live with that question at the forefront of my mind, having an eternal perspective for my life.

During prayer time today with Jessy, God really just spoke to me regarding this whole job situation. He sprung Proverbs 3:5-6 into my head:

Trust in the LORD with all you heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I know that God has a plan for me. I just need to fully trust him. My path right now is a crazy mess, because of my inability to fully trust. Where O God do you want to lead me?

Back!

As many have said to me this past weekend - I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth - but truly then is when I know I am loved and have true friends who look for you, ask about you, when they have not seen you of late.

The break from everything was good for me. It offered me fresh perspective and re-energized me for whatever God has in store. A step back, to examine where I am now, where I have come from this past year, and to think about what there is to come.

Some of the struggles have come back, especially with September looming around the corner. The daily questions from my parents are the same. I want to spend time with them, but that dreaded question makes me want to retreat at the instance any talk about jobs comes up - even when it is not related to me. There is that cringe inside of me whenever anything work related comes up - even when talk about other people and their jobs because it could segue at anytime to my situation. My heart is heavy again. Oh, how human am I, possessing such little patience for God's plan to unfold. I must pray and pray and pray so more for God to take away this heaviness on my heart and the million thoughts running through my head.

Throwing myself back into ministry has been great though. A post camp reflection will come shortly. Let's just say it was wet. I know God is pushing me to do more but what, I have not grasped yet.

I can not believe that it is almost the middle of August already. The next few weeks are going to be full of changes, am I ready for it?

Break

I need a break! The past week was crazy! Spending 6+ hours with 42 Jr. High kids - more often than not being stuck with the rowdy bunch. =p But so so so worth it! And now having to plan for the WWJD camp for this coming weekend! Prayers needed!

Whirlwind

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind, full of weddings, rehearsals, meetings, trainings, celebrations, fellowship, games, and to top it off, the last day of school!

Two weddings in the span of a week, pretty brutal, but so awesome to see how God has united these two couples. Being involved in weddings is so fun, yet exhausting, but it is so rewarding and an honour to be a part of your friends' big day! The rehearsal for Erik and Ruth was quick and simple - yet the wedding party still had issues the following day =p The rehearsal dinner was yum in my tummy and the laughs that we had after were great! Man, some of the apps that the iphone has are ridiculous! And God definitely came through with the weather! Both weddings were sandwiched between days that had tons of rain, but on the day of their weddings, it was gorgeous sunshine and sometimes a little to hot for comfort - but who could really complain?! Congratulations to Ruth & Erik Meechem and Jamie & Kevin Kwok!

[sidenote: sitting during the wedding ceremony as a bridesmaid was so great! =)]

Looking back at the last two weeks, I realized how many meetings I actually attended! Mainly for ministry, but also to meet up with my old AT to talk about job stuff. Jobs are slowly being posted, but I'm being selective - I don't know if that is the best move on my part, but I do not feel like I would do well on the interviews if I got one since I do not really want to teach - further I do not think that God is calling me to apply to every job on VIP. I'm still trying to remain patient and not apply to everything I am qualified for. I know that God has a plan for me but much like a lot of people, sometimes it is hard to wait for it to unfold in His timing. Please pray that I continue to hold steadfast to Him and not be wavered by the temptations of this world.

Other meetings in the past week have been to catch up with people - Aban and Jessy to be precise. I love my relationship with these two women of Christ. Even though we have not seen each other for the longest time, we are able just to pick up where we left off the last time we spent time together - talking about everything under the sun! Family, friends, ministry, work and lots lots more! I love these two ladies to pieces and I'm truly thankful that God has placed them in my life to challenge me and inspire me.

Two jam-packed trainings on a Saturday morning was pretty intense. It was the day after the first buddy groups for WWJD fellowship and it was encouraging to go to the meeting and share my experiences of the last month being in youth ministry. From the unexpected thanks from parents, to awesome talks with my girls, to seeing the girls in their own skin, and so much more, it is great to be in those meetings where we hear these praise reports and updates on how God is working! The youth pastor has really engrained it into me how it is so important to share and experience the joys of YM together, just to get through the valleys that we are bound to face during the long haul. After the YMC meeting, I went to the Jr. High camp meeting where I was welcomed in as one of the group. I know that God placed this camp on my heart for a reason - not only are all my girls going - but when I got to the meeting, I would be working with a number of the parents of the WWJD kids. How exciting (and frightful) is this?! There is a reason for everything that happens. It'll be an interesting week indeed.

The last day of school was almost a week ago now. And what a great day it was. I received a card from the kids and a great present (Lindt truffles - my favourite!) from the teacher. It was sad to see them all go and to see the kid that I have been helping go off as well - I can only pray that he gets the support he needs at home and during the next school year.

God has blessed me abundantly the last two weeks, and may I remember this every day, especially in hours of wanting, stupidity, and loathing - how can I ask for more when God has done so much for me. I can only imagine what God has planned for the rest of the summer.

Some prayer requests:

- WWJD camp (I'm organizing, yet I do not have much done yet!)

- that I remember to pray for all the WWJD kids

- Jr. High VBS camp

- first youth service

- consistent daily QT and God time

- Kev is starting work in Aug - only God knows what is in store for us after that!

Kids Say the Darndest Things!

Today during play day I was partnered up to follow around a kid in my class. He is such a sweet boy, but cognitively is functioning really low. But today, after a small mishap during one of the actvities he says: "My arm is out of commission."

That made my day. *heart*

Young at Heart

This post is a little late, considering it is Thursday, but stuff has come up but I really want to share my experiences from the past weekend!

It is so crazy to see where I have come to where I am now; how God is sovereign and his plan is so much better than our plans; how this burden He placed in my heart over 8 months ago has become my passion. It is truly amazing to see my God work!

Saturday evening was the Hillsong United concert. I'll admit, I am not their hugest fan, but I went - not because of obligation as a counselor - but seeing it as an opportunity to serve these kids, to learn more about them, to use it as an opportunity to gain their trust and friendship. Even though I did not get there until 5pm, and everyone was already in the Molson Amplitheatre - their energy throughout the night totally kept me going. I was exhausted from a full day of activities - Zoe, teaching, GO-training - and I had not slept well the night before because the dogs had kept me up. But when Hillsong United came on stage and I saw my kids jumping up and down and praising the Lord, it gave me energy and I was even jumping up and down! It was truly awesome.

[sidebar: there was an unfortunate incident that happened at Ontario Place, but I think as counselors we really learned something about ourselves and about being Jesus to the kids - a negative definitely got turned into a positive after talking with some of the other counselors who went]

Sunday was the fallout of this incident. You know you are deep in the ministry when you have to start speaking to the parents reassuring them of our conduct and that we are taking care of their child. I couldn't totally concentrate on the Sunday School lesson, as a result, but I think I may have psyched myself out about the meeting, or by the grace of God we got through it and everyone was happy, or at least understanding of the situation at the end.

That night, I also had the opportunity to minister to three of my girls at the movie theatres. Even in a short amount of time, I was able to learn so much about them - they opened up so much and I was so excited and happy about that, moreso than the actual movie. Yes, I went to go see the movie with them, but what I got out of it was probably so much more than that. I came home so excited and pumped for youth ministry and I can not wait to see what God does next!

Worthy is the Lamb

My new song of the moment!  Zoe's praise and prayer was so convicting of my heart.  Even though things are great with God at the moment, I have joy and peace with where I am at and where I am heading, God is speaking to me through prayers and Scripture, I felt that God revealed to me that he still longs for so much more out of me.  To pray more, to read the Bible more, to spend more time with him.

I truly felt this when the song, "Worthy is the Lamb" was sung.  It brought me to my knees, tears streaming down my face, humbling me to realize how unworthy I am of his love for me.  I felt so dirty, sinful, shameful, to even think that I should be content with where I am at.  I still fall so incredibly far from his glory.  It hit me like a ton of bricks, that God felt that I was worthy to be saved and redeemed by the blood of the perfect lamb - an atoning sacrifice for my sin.  Even when I feel that everything is going incredibly great, God breaks me again to see the ugliness of my life contrasted with Jesus.  But I am glad that he does, he knows that I can handle it, and it makes me yearn for him so much more!

Thank you for the cross, Lord.

Thank you for the price you paid.

Bearing all my sin and shame, in love you came

And gave Amazing Grace.

Thank you for this love, Lord.

Thank you for the nail-pierced hands.

Wash me in Your cleansing flow, now all I know...

Your forgiveness and embrace.

Worthy is the Lamb

seated on the throne.

We crown You now with many crowns

You reign victorious!

High and lifted up

Jesus, Son of God

The darling of Heaven, crucified...

Worthy is the Lamb.

I think that I was really feeling the shame I had as a sinner, but as I continued to reflect about it throughout the day, I realized that I have to get past the fact that I am a sinner, but to claim victory in what Christ has done for me as well.  He doesn't want me to feel the shame and guilt of sin, but to experience the joys and blessings he pours out on to me every day.  As the day wore on, when God broke me that morning, I knew I was restored by the blood of Jesus.  All I could do was praise him and know that I am worthy in God's eyes.