Bleeding Edge

For those that were at BR last night - Richard wasn't making stuff up. I had to look it up to see what nonesense he was talking about. And it's an actual term that I read about here.

I love how 4 of us those just try to play it off as leading edge until I actually asked him. Do we really give Richard that much credit in terms of his linguistic abilities. =p Just kidding!

What Else Can We Do?

... but pray.

Last night was tough. It was a culmination of 2 days of badgering from my parents about jobs. And it just came to a boil during the study on 1 Peter on persecution and then with a simple question from PSB and the anxieties were too much and the tears started to well. I tried to compose myself but to no avail. We ended up outside of the room and I told him my story and Felix was kind enough to grab some tissues for me. And then we headed to his office to pray. And it was so comforting. The power of prayer is amazing and may I not forget that as I continue to travel through what seems like a valley right now. May I praise Him when I finally reach the mountaintop and understand why He needed me to endure.

After they left, I was still trying to compose myself in PSB's office and my dear sister Jessy came in to comfort me some more. I am truly grateful for this relationship. To be honest, I had debated on coming to PM that night because of how I was feeling - but our bi-weekly meeting got me to my car and on the road to church. What divine intervention. She knows my struggles of this past year and it was even more comforting to have her pray for me.

The calm I felt after praying was something that only God could provide. There is still a long road ahead, but I will endureth for Him and Him alone.

Heartwarming

As a counselor, you don't know how much of a difference you make in the lives of the kids unless they really express it.

Yesterday, while talking to some of my girls on Gchat about the watergun fight tonight, showed me a bit of how they feel. It warms my heart and makes me fear for tonight too! =p

G1: just wait until the water gun fite.

me: ahahaha... =p i'm ready ;)

G2: can you get wet, vickster?

me: are you?!

G1: yup

G2: I'm tottaly ready for you :p

G1: can you get wett?

G2: can you? o__o get... wet?

G2: yes! you deserve to be soaked

me: whaaaaaaat?!

G1: haha

me: why? hahaha

G2: because you're awesomee

We'll see how wet I actually get tonight ;p

Trust

I love love love meeting with Jessy. Even though what we talk about may not always be the cheeriest things, talking and praying with her is always great! Tonight was especially great after a very convicting PM.

May we hold on to the two pillars discussed today during PM.

1. We are able to resist sin by turning our minds to things that are pure. May we not allow sin to even take root because we have turned our minds on things that are pure.

2. We can refuse to sin by taking an eternal perspective. The momentary gratifications that Satan provides is nothing compared to what God provides in eternity!

I needed to hear these things. This lesson reinforced what I was reading recently about a family who are Christians and home-school their kids, the second point not really playing a part in this instance. But, the eldest son was talking about how as children, their parents would acknowledge there would be desires, but if you turn your mind onto pure things and put them up to God immediately through prayer, it is manageable.

It is needed to be emphasized that impure thoughts are not limited to sexual sins, but as we talked about earlier tonight, anything that is sinful - lust, greed, selfishness - is impure and thus, we need to turn our minds on to things that are pure, and to offer these impure desires up to God.

Secondly, I need to ask myself today, if I knew Jesus was coming back next year, how differently would I live my life? Of course, I would live differently. However, so much easier said than done. However, I want to live with that question at the forefront of my mind, having an eternal perspective for my life.

During prayer time today with Jessy, God really just spoke to me regarding this whole job situation. He sprung Proverbs 3:5-6 into my head:

Trust in the LORD with all you heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I know that God has a plan for me. I just need to fully trust him. My path right now is a crazy mess, because of my inability to fully trust. Where O God do you want to lead me?

Back!

As many have said to me this past weekend - I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth - but truly then is when I know I am loved and have true friends who look for you, ask about you, when they have not seen you of late.

The break from everything was good for me. It offered me fresh perspective and re-energized me for whatever God has in store. A step back, to examine where I am now, where I have come from this past year, and to think about what there is to come.

Some of the struggles have come back, especially with September looming around the corner. The daily questions from my parents are the same. I want to spend time with them, but that dreaded question makes me want to retreat at the instance any talk about jobs comes up - even when it is not related to me. There is that cringe inside of me whenever anything work related comes up - even when talk about other people and their jobs because it could segue at anytime to my situation. My heart is heavy again. Oh, how human am I, possessing such little patience for God's plan to unfold. I must pray and pray and pray so more for God to take away this heaviness on my heart and the million thoughts running through my head.

Throwing myself back into ministry has been great though. A post camp reflection will come shortly. Let's just say it was wet. I know God is pushing me to do more but what, I have not grasped yet.

I can not believe that it is almost the middle of August already. The next few weeks are going to be full of changes, am I ready for it?

Break

I need a break! The past week was crazy! Spending 6+ hours with 42 Jr. High kids - more often than not being stuck with the rowdy bunch. =p But so so so worth it! And now having to plan for the WWJD camp for this coming weekend! Prayers needed!

Whirlwind

The last two weeks have been a whirlwind, full of weddings, rehearsals, meetings, trainings, celebrations, fellowship, games, and to top it off, the last day of school!

Two weddings in the span of a week, pretty brutal, but so awesome to see how God has united these two couples. Being involved in weddings is so fun, yet exhausting, but it is so rewarding and an honour to be a part of your friends' big day! The rehearsal for Erik and Ruth was quick and simple - yet the wedding party still had issues the following day =p The rehearsal dinner was yum in my tummy and the laughs that we had after were great! Man, some of the apps that the iphone has are ridiculous! And God definitely came through with the weather! Both weddings were sandwiched between days that had tons of rain, but on the day of their weddings, it was gorgeous sunshine and sometimes a little to hot for comfort - but who could really complain?! Congratulations to Ruth & Erik Meechem and Jamie & Kevin Kwok!

[sidenote: sitting during the wedding ceremony as a bridesmaid was so great! =)]

Looking back at the last two weeks, I realized how many meetings I actually attended! Mainly for ministry, but also to meet up with my old AT to talk about job stuff. Jobs are slowly being posted, but I'm being selective - I don't know if that is the best move on my part, but I do not feel like I would do well on the interviews if I got one since I do not really want to teach - further I do not think that God is calling me to apply to every job on VIP. I'm still trying to remain patient and not apply to everything I am qualified for. I know that God has a plan for me but much like a lot of people, sometimes it is hard to wait for it to unfold in His timing. Please pray that I continue to hold steadfast to Him and not be wavered by the temptations of this world.

Other meetings in the past week have been to catch up with people - Aban and Jessy to be precise. I love my relationship with these two women of Christ. Even though we have not seen each other for the longest time, we are able just to pick up where we left off the last time we spent time together - talking about everything under the sun! Family, friends, ministry, work and lots lots more! I love these two ladies to pieces and I'm truly thankful that God has placed them in my life to challenge me and inspire me.

Two jam-packed trainings on a Saturday morning was pretty intense. It was the day after the first buddy groups for WWJD fellowship and it was encouraging to go to the meeting and share my experiences of the last month being in youth ministry. From the unexpected thanks from parents, to awesome talks with my girls, to seeing the girls in their own skin, and so much more, it is great to be in those meetings where we hear these praise reports and updates on how God is working! The youth pastor has really engrained it into me how it is so important to share and experience the joys of YM together, just to get through the valleys that we are bound to face during the long haul. After the YMC meeting, I went to the Jr. High camp meeting where I was welcomed in as one of the group. I know that God placed this camp on my heart for a reason - not only are all my girls going - but when I got to the meeting, I would be working with a number of the parents of the WWJD kids. How exciting (and frightful) is this?! There is a reason for everything that happens. It'll be an interesting week indeed.

The last day of school was almost a week ago now. And what a great day it was. I received a card from the kids and a great present (Lindt truffles - my favourite!) from the teacher. It was sad to see them all go and to see the kid that I have been helping go off as well - I can only pray that he gets the support he needs at home and during the next school year.

God has blessed me abundantly the last two weeks, and may I remember this every day, especially in hours of wanting, stupidity, and loathing - how can I ask for more when God has done so much for me. I can only imagine what God has planned for the rest of the summer.

Some prayer requests:

- WWJD camp (I'm organizing, yet I do not have much done yet!)

- that I remember to pray for all the WWJD kids

- Jr. High VBS camp

- first youth service

- consistent daily QT and God time

- Kev is starting work in Aug - only God knows what is in store for us after that!