Summer

Where has it gone?

It seems to have left as quickly as it came - in terms of temperature and time!

It's so cool outside today. I don't like. =(

And people are slowly making plans to move back to school. Or they are packing up and leaving to far off places.

It's a time of farewells, but also a season of new beginnings. As the school year is about to start, I am wondering what God has in store for me next. I pray that my will conforms to His will for the next year, and not the other way around. The past four months have been transforming and refining, as always, but many changes are just around the corner. What does God have in store next?

Tears

... of joy!

And truly feeling the love of other brothers and sisters.

How blessed am I to have people that care for me so much. I was greeted with two very touching emails tonight after my meeting tonight with PJ. The emails warmed my heart and my eyes started to well again - but this time out of just the love that I felt from reading the words off the screen and listening to the beautiful voice from my speakers.

The TRUTH that they spoke to me through Scripture and song was undeniable. God is in control and may I surrender everything to Him, because He is in charge of my life and everything that I am going through right now is all for Him.

Bleeding Edge

For those that were at BR last night - Richard wasn't making stuff up. I had to look it up to see what nonesense he was talking about. And it's an actual term that I read about here.

I love how 4 of us those just try to play it off as leading edge until I actually asked him. Do we really give Richard that much credit in terms of his linguistic abilities. =p Just kidding!

What Else Can We Do?

... but pray.

Last night was tough. It was a culmination of 2 days of badgering from my parents about jobs. And it just came to a boil during the study on 1 Peter on persecution and then with a simple question from PSB and the anxieties were too much and the tears started to well. I tried to compose myself but to no avail. We ended up outside of the room and I told him my story and Felix was kind enough to grab some tissues for me. And then we headed to his office to pray. And it was so comforting. The power of prayer is amazing and may I not forget that as I continue to travel through what seems like a valley right now. May I praise Him when I finally reach the mountaintop and understand why He needed me to endure.

After they left, I was still trying to compose myself in PSB's office and my dear sister Jessy came in to comfort me some more. I am truly grateful for this relationship. To be honest, I had debated on coming to PM that night because of how I was feeling - but our bi-weekly meeting got me to my car and on the road to church. What divine intervention. She knows my struggles of this past year and it was even more comforting to have her pray for me.

The calm I felt after praying was something that only God could provide. There is still a long road ahead, but I will endureth for Him and Him alone.

Heartwarming

As a counselor, you don't know how much of a difference you make in the lives of the kids unless they really express it.

Yesterday, while talking to some of my girls on Gchat about the watergun fight tonight, showed me a bit of how they feel. It warms my heart and makes me fear for tonight too! =p

G1: just wait until the water gun fite.

me: ahahaha... =p i'm ready ;)

G2: can you get wet, vickster?

me: are you?!

G1: yup

G2: I'm tottaly ready for you :p

G1: can you get wett?

G2: can you? o__o get... wet?

G2: yes! you deserve to be soaked

me: whaaaaaaat?!

G1: haha

me: why? hahaha

G2: because you're awesomee

We'll see how wet I actually get tonight ;p

Trust

I love love love meeting with Jessy. Even though what we talk about may not always be the cheeriest things, talking and praying with her is always great! Tonight was especially great after a very convicting PM.

May we hold on to the two pillars discussed today during PM.

1. We are able to resist sin by turning our minds to things that are pure. May we not allow sin to even take root because we have turned our minds on things that are pure.

2. We can refuse to sin by taking an eternal perspective. The momentary gratifications that Satan provides is nothing compared to what God provides in eternity!

I needed to hear these things. This lesson reinforced what I was reading recently about a family who are Christians and home-school their kids, the second point not really playing a part in this instance. But, the eldest son was talking about how as children, their parents would acknowledge there would be desires, but if you turn your mind onto pure things and put them up to God immediately through prayer, it is manageable.

It is needed to be emphasized that impure thoughts are not limited to sexual sins, but as we talked about earlier tonight, anything that is sinful - lust, greed, selfishness - is impure and thus, we need to turn our minds on to things that are pure, and to offer these impure desires up to God.

Secondly, I need to ask myself today, if I knew Jesus was coming back next year, how differently would I live my life? Of course, I would live differently. However, so much easier said than done. However, I want to live with that question at the forefront of my mind, having an eternal perspective for my life.

During prayer time today with Jessy, God really just spoke to me regarding this whole job situation. He sprung Proverbs 3:5-6 into my head:

Trust in the LORD with all you heart

and lean not on your own understanding;

in all your ways acknowledge him,

and he will make your paths straight.

I know that God has a plan for me. I just need to fully trust him. My path right now is a crazy mess, because of my inability to fully trust. Where O God do you want to lead me?

Back!

As many have said to me this past weekend - I seemed to have fallen off the face of the earth - but truly then is when I know I am loved and have true friends who look for you, ask about you, when they have not seen you of late.

The break from everything was good for me. It offered me fresh perspective and re-energized me for whatever God has in store. A step back, to examine where I am now, where I have come from this past year, and to think about what there is to come.

Some of the struggles have come back, especially with September looming around the corner. The daily questions from my parents are the same. I want to spend time with them, but that dreaded question makes me want to retreat at the instance any talk about jobs comes up - even when it is not related to me. There is that cringe inside of me whenever anything work related comes up - even when talk about other people and their jobs because it could segue at anytime to my situation. My heart is heavy again. Oh, how human am I, possessing such little patience for God's plan to unfold. I must pray and pray and pray so more for God to take away this heaviness on my heart and the million thoughts running through my head.

Throwing myself back into ministry has been great though. A post camp reflection will come shortly. Let's just say it was wet. I know God is pushing me to do more but what, I have not grasped yet.

I can not believe that it is almost the middle of August already. The next few weeks are going to be full of changes, am I ready for it?