Pray

In this time where there is so much going on around me, with family and friends, what else can I do but pray, lifting all their burdens and anxieties into the hands of our holy Father who is there to listen when we call.  So much to pray for, yet so comforting to know that God is there to listen to us -- especially in our darkness.  I pray that the glorious light engulf all who are experiencing the darkness and for their brokenness to be put back together by the love and power of the Holy Spirit.  In a time like this, what else can we do but pray?

Change

Since last week's prayer meeting, I feel a total change in my perspective and heart.  No longer am I burdened to the point of tears nor do I feel the whole weight of the world on my shoulders.  This is only through the redeeming power of the Holy Spirit to calm my heart and lift the weight.  In addition it is crazy how God has done a total 360 in terms of my relationship with my mentor.  Last week she was carrying my burdens, being my listening ear, caring and praying for me.  This week has been the opposite and I am glad that God is continuing to refine and mold us and strengthening our relationship together and with Him.

So much has happened this week, God has definitely been speaking, however, I do not know if I have done an extremely good job at listening.  I have been reading through a few Psalms and they have spoken to me, given me comfort, and empowering me.  I do not think that I have actually done this before, really just go through the Psalms and reflect, meditate and pray about them.

God really changed my perspective on someone this past week and I know that it will be the best for our church.  Each day the sermon from Sunday still reverberates in my mind; how God demonstrates his love for us even though we don't deserve it, I am definitely a sinner and fall so far from the glory of God, but because of God's love for us he gave his one and only son to be an atoning sacrifice for us to die the most shameful death.  In reflection and talking with others about it, far too often I do not understand or fail to remember the depth of God's love for us and the what the cross symbolizes.  And further, thinking about the question that was posed at the end of the sermon, Do I know the love of God experentially?  And if I do, do I love people like God loves them or are they contingent on others?  I need to remember, the love of Christ came to me when I least deserved it.

Participate

We are merely just participants in God's great and awesome plan.  This gave me peace along with the prayers, of course.

2009

21 days into 2009 and God has already revealed so much to me.  Talking with my mentor about this on Monday I realized this.  The latter half of 2008 had been so good to both of us, and there had been so much growth, and for the most part everything had been positive, we were enjoying the wonderful things that God was doing in our lives.  Thus, we were both excited to see what God would have in store for us this year, but man, spread it out evenly! Hahaha... This is definitely a refining process, a time where I am trying to see the light in the darkness, find joy in my bitterness, have peace in my heartbreak.  But I know that God will carry me through this and he will make me stronger as a result.

"Have mercy on me, O God, have mercy on me,

for in you my soul takes refuge.

I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings

until the disaster has passed."

Psalm 57:1

"But I will sing of your strength,

in the morning I will sing of your love;

for you are my fortress,

my refuge in times of trouble."

Psalm 59:16

Behind

Bah!  I feel that I am behind in so many things.  And I forget to write them down, which makes it even worse when I finally remember to do them, because I have written other things down to do already!  This week has been hectic!  I knew I should have finished my marking 4 weeks ago! >.<

The last few days have been cold, extremely cold, like -30 cold, I don't think that has put me in a good mood.  Plus, I have come to realization that I have extremely poor circulation.  Bah!  I need another vacation.

Compliments

Am I just weird or is it just the Chinese in me that whenever I am offered compliments or praise I find it very hard to take and to accept it.  I have been thinking about it for awhile, ever since some of my kids' parents thanked me for coming into their homes to help their children.  However, in these two particular cases, I feel like I am fighting a futile cause.  It's not that I do not see potential in these kids, but I think to myself sometimes, how much impact can I make in these kids with 1/2 hr, 1hr, and 1.5 hour sessions, respectively, one time a week.  I have not been able to see the fruits of my labour.  In fact, it can be quite frustrating.  Alas, that is another can of worms.

Back to my apprehension and hesistation in accepting compliments.  I do not know what it is in me, I am able to provide compliments to people, I do it for a job well done and to acknowledge that fact.  But when it comes to me, it seems so strange and I do not know how to react.  Like when my kids' parents told me, my response was quite awkward, because in my mind it was just a job, and I'm doing what I am hired to do.  In another case, I find that when offered compliments, I am just doing what I believe is right.  I think I'm just weird. =p

Exhausted

I can not believe how tired and exhausted I was last night.  With everything that is going on, so much stuff is going through my head!  I guess it took a little toll on my body.  I was praying for a little while around 8ish last night, great time of prayer.  Then I decided to pull out my Bible and other books that I have started and dig into them, but I was feeling a little tired, so I thought I would take a nap before starting them.  I didn't end up waking up until 8:30am this morning.  However, I know that He was preparing me for today.  Man, and it's only 13 days into the new year!  But with God's strength I will endure and be joyful about it!